Kiss Attack

Studio: Adam & Eve
Director: Carlos Batts
Cast: April Flores, Sasha Grey, La Cholita, Claudia Rossi, Claire, Lady Lava, Sara Vandella, Penny

The evil immortal Vlad Drakul, in his quest to subjugate Earth, sired five daughters who, with the help of Drakul henchman Mr. Experiment’s unguents and potions, would implement their father’s will by kissing their enemies to death.

But Mr. Experiment’s son, VMMX, jealous of the attention his father paid to Drakul’s girls, vowed to destroy them using his own manufactured army, the Fleshers.

So you can see that “Kiss Attack” varies from the proven porn format of Pool Guy Enters, Fucking Ensues.

An ambitious porn movie with interstitial comic art animation by Nathan Carlisle, an original soundtrack, and costumes by David Page, Louis Fleischauer, Simone Williams and Exquisite Restraint, “Kiss Attack” is the type of movie that will leave viewers wishing they had seen it when they were not of legal age to see it.

Like a theme party in which guests take off their masks early in the evening and get down to what everyone does at parties no matter the dress code, “Kiss Attack” should be viewed as a porn movie dressing up as a comic book; with a convoluted plot in which everyone is the bad guy, the sex is that much more welcome. In fact, do yourself a favor and forget the plot altogether – watch the sex instead.

After a lengthy exposition, Drakul daughter Evel (Gray) tussles with Flesher Alex Gonz. Tussles sexually. Then she kills him. Gonz and Grey serve up a great scene, with Grey jerking back and forth, and having grown some 80’s-worthy pubes for the role (she is like Deniro in this regard).

Then Ms. Sangre (Flores) meets Mantis, a “synthetic nymph.” They too tussle. In this vampire world, everyone fights using porn scenes. A dramatic tableau follows in which Sangre and Mantis are beset upon by Fleshers. Nothing seems to come of it. Phew.

Then we meet Luci (Sara Vandella), who tells us she is going to “kill some Fleshers.” She lounges gloriously on a rug instead. That’s OK. I’ve got no quarrel with Fleshers, either. When she finally encounters one in a lilac room, she makes short work of him.

About this time VMMX laments “these fucking vampire bitches” defeating his army. He needs to change his plan. He sends Claudia Rossi after human Mikey Butders. Meanwhile, Ms. Sangre calls in Dolores (La Cholita) to defeat VMMX by dancing near his car.

“Kiss Attack” is exactly the flesh and fantasy parade we dreamed of in eighth grade with willing, ready-to-go ladies saying geek-flavored things that don’t hold up under scrutiny but Who Cares? – each one takes off her clothes. It’s important to remember what the priorities are.

See a gallery here.