Kissing Girls

Studio: Wicked
Director: Michael Raven
Cast: jessica drake, Dana DeArmond, Scarlett Fay, Randy Spears, Barrett Blade, Eric Masterson, Barry Scott, August

Portions of this review originally appeared on Fleshbot

jessica drake is Zoe as today’s Wicked Girl on a mission in “Kissing Girls,” in which the long-leggedy pornstress lets us know (in standard-issue voiceover form) that this will be her year to climb the corporate ladder, make the world a better place, and find her soulmate. (As this line cuts to her trysting with Eric Masterson, we can assume that he is not it, else the movie would be very short.)

“He understood my passions and dealt with my neuroses,” she says of him, but when he tells her to hurry because his wife will be home soon, she knows it isn’t to be. We know that the movie will be about dipping her toe in the world of women.

Like Hustler is hitting a groove with, or at least spending a lot of time on, its “parody” movies, Wicked is co-opting mainstream successes and making them a little more porny. “Kissing Girls” is Wicked’s “Kissing Jessica Stein.”

Frustrated with men, Zoe answers a personal ad. From a girl.

At first she is hesitant, but when a montage sequence reveals that alll men are crazy, she reconsiders.

“Besides,” she says, “aren’t all women lesbians these days? Bisexual? Swingers? Isn’t that all the rage?”

All the rage in Hell, maybe.

Anyway, drake bites the bullet and meets Moonbeam (Dana DeArmond), and they hit it off on Wicked’s muted pastel restaurant set. And they have so much in common! They’re both Scorpios, they like to drive, and neither likes labels.

But they do like labia.

Moonbeam tells Zoe about first finding a woman attractive, when she caught her babysitter (Scarlett Fay) having sex with her 40-year-old boyfriend. Luckily, we don’t see 12-year-old Moonbeam peaking around the curtains. We’re also proud of ourselves that we guessed how another sex scene would be shoehorned in before Zoe and Moonbeam’s inevitable coupling.

drake and DeArmond at first seem an unlikely porn pair, but DeArmond handles the transition from gaping and choking to couples’-friendly lesbo scene with aplomb, and even inspires the best ad-lib of the movie when drake says, “If I had a cock you’d be in trouble.”

I’ve said it before and I say it again: it’s great jessica drake does not have a cock.