“Get out on Ventura, hooker,” I commanded Lexi Love, the delicious hostess of PornStarTweet’s second anniversary party. She had just flown in from New York and I needed to get her out on the street as soon as possible.
“Yes, Grams,” she said. Several cars whizzed by Love on early morning Ventura Boulevard as she tottered out into the middle of the road. Doubtless the nearby Enterprise customers thought they’d stumbled onto a Taurus upgrade.
Love is one of those people whom I see more in person, so I always feel a little dirty when I actually see her in her movies. Not so dirty that I don’t watch, however. It is my job, after all.
Inside Studio City’s R Lounge, a two-story affair that I’ve visited three times under different names (the night club, not me), mingled many strangers eager to brush up against the likes of Love, Sophie Dee, Lupe Fuentes, and Kelly Shibari, the zaftig Japanese-American pornstress who, along with April Flores and Alix Lakehurst, can fuck Size-Zero ingenues into a fine paste.
To tell the truth, I expected the club to be filled with mopey dudes and their sullen, narcissistic girlfriends lit from jowls up by the thin glow of their smartphones, tweeting to prevent life from happening, as if halfheartedly staving off their inevitable deaths.
And, when I saw them, I would have a speech ready:
Life is here, you goddamn shoegazers. You think your elders with their stupid bluetooth headsets look dumb? Not half as silly as you via your tweets, taking pictures of your food, typing #NOM NOM NOM, trying to be clever in the face of your own mortality whilst saying nothing! Fie! Go out in the fresh air without posting your location on foursquare! Have a hashtag-free conversation! Live, you stupid bitches! Live!
But everyone seemed thoughtful and courteous, looking their friends in the eye, and keeping a respectful distance from Sophie Dee’s year-old breasts, which isn’t easy.
Party promoter “King” Ryan helped put together a classy evening.
“You get the right small group of people in and it makes the whole crowd good,” he said. Some day I will ask him to explain the history of bottle service to me.
PornStarTweet founder Pete Housely had found a stuffed animal that looked like the ubiquitous Twitter mascot at Target.
“Lexi has it between her legs a lot,” he noted.
As an older gentleman (I am now 23), I have problems with social networking both as a business tool and as a lifestyle choice. I think it isn’t as effective as everyone likes to think for the former and an exponentially deadening time waster for the latter. But that’s what they said about the thermos back in my day.
I could only stay for a little while, because I had to post to some Bulletin Board Services on DARPAnet and update my LiveJournal blog. I made sure Lexi Love hadn’t been squashed by a car, and left.
Previously on Porn Valley Observed: “Pornstar Tweet”: Where the elite meet to beat meat, tweet; Social networking for narcisssists; Porn stars stay connected—but at what cost?; Humb day with Lupe Fientes; Sophie Dee is not going back to Llanelli or: A Tale of two chippies
See also: PornStarTweet, Lexi Love, Kelly Shibari, Lupe Fuentes
“Fie!” I resolve to use that in more conversational situations.