One of the simple (and I mean simple) joys of this job is receiving press releases from porn professionals just trying to make a goddamn living. It has always been instructive to consider the audience, the market, and the very zeitgeist into which such marketing materials are thrust before I re-post them verbatim.
For example, in a world where most people get their pornography via 3-minute streaming clips, is there truly marketing potential in a boxcover, as if you and your life partner are browsing the shelves of your local adult emporium, she still redolent of KFC and gummy edibles, like it’s 2008?
The very thought of a porn boxcover being too spicy suggests ancient Max Hardcore, JM Video, or Rob Black videos, not something like what’s happening on the cover of “Love Emergency,” which basically looks like what greets me at Kaiser Permanente now that I’ve opted for their Value-Added Copay service.
Adam & Eve is located in Hillsborough, North Carolina. The company has been a sex-ed and condom distribution powerhouse long before it started getting into producing and distributing porn. It is not known for its conservative nature among porn companies, which is probably one of the reasons it has lasted so long. That and its background in catalog sales and direct marketing—something which west coast adult companies wish they’d thought of much sooner. It’s conservatism often means that the movies Adam & Eve produces (rather than just distributes) are only exciting by mistake.
Here is the full text of the press release. It was written by the incorrigible flimflam man Will Ryder.
(Hollywood, CA) Two box covers have been unveiled for Love Emergency, the upcoming feature movie from Adam & Eve Pictures causing a bit of controversy over which one is best.
The movie stars Riley Steele and Tommy Pistol in a fast-paced romantic comedy directed by Will Ryder and features an ensemble cast of 27 in one of the year’s biggest adult movie productions. The movie will be released end of September.
“Nia Nacci is topless on the naked front, and Liv Wild is in her bra and panties on the safer front,” Ryder explained. “We’re gonna use ’em both.”
“We wanted to visually display the sexy nurses since much of this movie takes place in the ER,” explained Rachel V of Adam & Eve Pictures.
An unemployed, panhandling, college dropout living in his mom and step dad’s basement, applies for a janitor position at the local hospital but life gets flipped upside down when he meets a beautiful nurse. His idiot friend hacks the hospital computer and he mistakenly gets hired as an emergency room trauma surgeon. Mayhem ensues during his quest to remain employed so he can win the girl’s affection.
“Love Emergency is our best comedy ever,” Ryder said. “And this time I mean it.”
“Really funny movie it is definitely our biggest production,” added co-producer Scott David.
Supporting actor Brad Armstrong delivers an award-worthy performance as the red-neck step father commented, “I have no idea how they got this movie made. It is absolutely insane.”
Joining Riley Steele, Tommy Pistol and Brad Armstrong in Love Emergency is special guest star Christy Canyon along with Kenzie Reeves, Nia Nacci, Liv Wild, Savannah Sixx, Misty Stone, Sarah Vandella, Astrid Star, Sunny Lane, Rachael Cavalli, Edyn Blair, Lucky Starr, Bambi Doll, Jake Adams, Chad White, Brad Newman, Brad Sterling, Jack Vegas, James Bartholet, Frank Bukkwyd, Rusty Nails, Ryan Mclane, Blake Benson and Deanzy.
Love Emergency will be released at the end of September from Adam & Eve Pictures.
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