Madison Scott: Size 5

Here is Madison Scott on the set of XPlay’s Not Married With Children XXX. Neither she nor Brad Hardy, who is rooting her to her chair, play characters recognizable from the original show, unlike Eric Swiss, who does an excellent job as Al Bundy.

No, Madison Scott instead reminds me of the type of woman created by computer programmers or anime artists, like this Sea Reaper from Citizen Kabuto [pushing up glasses now].

In a meticulously recreated shoe store, Al’s coworker, Bart, romances Madison, who has come in to check out the discounts. It takes very little time for them to begin despoiling the vinyl store furniture, which is something you should think about next time you go to Payless.

As an audience of 14 male crew and audience members looked on, Madison remarked that her shoe size was five. We all found this fascinating information. Most straight men – and I speak for all of them – do not know any shoe sizes but their own, so hearing someone mention her shoe size was like hearing Dr. Manhattan talk about the average temperature on Mars [pushing up glasses again].

We thought: “If she’s so small and wears a size 5, then a size 3 must only be visible through a microscope.”

Madison was so tiny that she was able to hop on my hand and dust the tops of doorways.

There are more riveting stories from the set of this movie, but it is always good to start the weekend (and wake up Monday morning) with useful flesh-based information.

Previously on Porn Valley Observed: We Shall Overcome (on your face) pts I and II; The Voluptuous feet of Ed Fox; The sacred semiotics of the stigmafoot
See also: Hustler

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Gram Ponante is America's Beloved Porn Journalist

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