Time was you’d have to submit to the critical appraisal of a seasoned porn professional before you could hope to land the cover of a classy gentlemen’s magazine. Until now.
MagMyPorn.com invites you to a world in which you don’t have to arch your back, open up, or otherwise flinch under the harsh rebukes of people named Matti or Suze to be on the cover of such publications as Sexy, Self Shot, or GirlPlay. Instead, all you have to do is log in, submit nude photos of yourself or your elegant lady friend, assure someone that the photos belong to you and that you or the subject are 18 or over, and then watch the accolades roll in as the Internet comments on your nudity.
The website features dozens of amateur nudes splashed across the virtual covers of fictitious magazines like OMG!, My Baby, and Pervert. You or someone you love uploads naughty photos into one of several available magazine cover templates. It’s like what the Big Lebowski did with his Time cover, except with more nudity.
I asked why anyone would want to do such a thing.
“As sexuality becomes increasingly pervasive in our culture,” I was told, “most young and middle-aged women would like a sexy cover shot of themselves, with or without their guys.”
Really? Well, the porn girls I know seem very excited when they get the cover of Hustler, Genesis, or Penthouse, but I’ve always thought that they were so far through the porn prism by that point that they felt no shame. Plus, they all make a considerable amount of money for the cover. Why do it for free?
I don’t know. But MagMyPorn has been around since 2010 and it has a thriving community that uploads photos, tweets them, and comments on them. So what type of guy would want his girlfriend or significant other uploading free photos?
“Which guys are in favor?” my question was thrown back at me through an intermediary. “The better question: Which wouldn’t be? Very few. ”
(With that rhetorical style, I imagine the owner of MagMyPorn is either Gene Simmons or Robert Evans.)
It should be noted that I conducted this interview through MagMyPorn’s publicist, who did not identify the name of the company’s spokesperson. Further, WhoIs records are vague, and the only Magazine Creations Ltd. that appears on the web is a British company that went out of business years ago.
None of this anonymity is of concern to me, except that I know that when my wives appeared on the covers of Juggs, JizzGoblin, and AutoErotic Asphyxiation World I, as the designated suitcase pimp, was compensated with new Playstations, rims, and JetSkis; what is the motivation to do it for free?
I recall sitting in the office of a man then married to a famous porn star. He was showing me her magazine covers while she sat next to me and fidgeted.
“Here she is on Hustler, here she is on Maxim, here she is on FHM,” he was saying. “Pretty hot, right? Right?”
“Yes,” I said, but thought: You are one creepy dude.
Of course, I live in a huge glass house to be casting judgments like that.
So think of MagMyPorn as the vanity glamour photos wives used to take and give to their husbands to spice up their marriage, except now the world is her husband.
Previously on Porn Valley Observed: Tommy Pistol—Life after his “Gruesome Death”
See also: MagMyPorn
Yes, I am a Lebowski Achiever.
Furthermore, a quick survey of the front page of the site, ignoring all the bogus uploads of obvious, recognizable erotic models and/or porn stars reveals that most (though not all, see above brunette, etc) of the legitimate users of the site upload to it since they have essentially no other avenue by which to force unsuspecting viewers to gaze, if but for one horrific instant, upon their unsexitude.
That grieves me, and puts me in mind of how everyone gets a trophy these days.