Manon of the Schwing!

“First Orgy for My Wife”
MANON MARTIN GRAM PONANTE

Studio: Marc Dorcel
Director: Frank Vicomte
Starring: Manon Martin, Brandi Smile, Kiara Lord, Nataly Gold, Anita Bellini, Christen Courtney, Thomas Stone, Guillaume Valmer, Kristof Cale

The surpassingly lovely Manon (Europorn It-Girl Manon Martin) was disgusted the first time she saw an orgy, she says. In Franck Vicomte’s “First Orgy for My Wife,” a beautifully-shot but problematic Eurofilm from venerable studio Marc Dorcel, we watch her not altogether unbelievable transition from disgusted observer to eager participant.

There is a reason Marc Dorcel has been around since 1979 — the studio has taken the time to create a formula by which stateside, English-speaking audiences can follow along with its stylish European debauchery by means of voiceovers. Come to think of it, it’s what Jacky St. James does in a lot of her movies, too, except her movies are all in English.

The problem with how this plays out in “First Orgy for My Wife” (and why not “My Wife’s First Orgy”? And if Manon is the narrator shouldn’t the movie be called “First Orgy for Me, Who Happens To Be A Wife”?) is that the woman voicing Manon’s English narration sounds like a 40-year-old phone operator, not like a bubbly coquette who’ll give birth to Cossette in a few years.

MANON MARTIN

“No chance our daughter will become an orgy-fiend within the year.”

We watch a long-legged Manon eating breakfast in her panties with her father and mother (this happens in France as well as Alabama), dressing for work (“my company specializes in luxury products”) and then meeting Alex, the guy from the orgy the night before (and the boss’s son!) who begins to aggressively woo her. They get married, apparently without discussing the disgust Manon felt about the orgy. Their wedding night is magical, and Manon’s sighs sound nothing like her English, which is delivered by the shrill woman handing out abstinence-only pamphlets no fewer than 100 yards away from the school.

“It really was the best day of my life,” Manon’s voiceover chirps. “I felt like a princess.”

MANON MARTIN

About two months into the marriage, Alex orchestrates a tryst between his new bride and Cindy (Anita Bellini), a girl the couple meets at a cafe. Alex, to his credit, doesn’t jump into their rendezvous, only watches.

Because of this encounter, Manon is ready to go to an orgy again, but this time she will participate.

MANON MARTIN

“Today I am a sexually liberated young woman,” my junior high school librarian says. “Alex and I have had many adventures.”

Manon Martin is absolutely delightful to look at, and “First Orgy for My Wife” cinematically presents life in a European capital as every bit as beautiful as films from the 1960s — full of elegant young ladies and jet-setting, well-dressed men — promise. The things that actively take away from the movie are the voiceover and 2010s-era porn trappings: It’s not “My Wife,” you idiots, it’s “Me.” We as an audience can handle figuring things out for ourselves, and the narration tries too hard — and fails — to make it seem as if the intoxicating Ms. Martin wasn’t down for an orgy from Day Zero.

Watch with the sound off for a perfect porn experience.

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