Studio: Excessive Entertainment/VCA
Director: Mason
Cast: Her Sluts (Kami Andrews, Hillary Scott, Taryn Thomas, Missy Monroe, Georgia “Dirty” Southe, Kelly Wells, Chris Charming, Sascha, Tony T, Denis Marti, Brian Surewood, Joe Rock, Brandon Iron)
This, like all porn movies, only strengthens my commitment to my husband.™
An informal poll shows me to be, yes, just fucked up enough to write this review. While many readers will naturally assume I allude to a general way of being, I really must clarify that I am specifically referring to the fact that I am drunk.
Enough.
Or am I: Here’s your bit o’ feisty-ass fucking (better: feisty assfucking?) I recall from the good days of early-aughts, we-support-natural-bodies-at-AVN gonzo: utterly filthy little animals’d scare the shit out of you if you could remove your hands from your genitals long enough to notice, Mr. President.
Opener pits Keeeeee-raaaazy Kami Andrews (note straightjacket) against Chris Charming & Sascha, and for the first moments the boys seem outclAssed… but(t) not for long. The fucking’s long, hard and punishing, with stellar scary breath control play courtesy of an industrial roll of shrinkwrap. Found objects make great bondage tools; all you do-it-yourselfers, take notes. Charming & Sascha do as the lady says, fucking the cum out of her in a grueling DP that would put many a contract star in the hospital.
Not for the fainthearted… and you ask why I drink. Hillary Scott. I believe the press release said something about how she looks to be the most innocent of the bunch–wait, here it is. “Hillary is so innocent–and she’s the nastiest one of them all!” In actuality, no, but As Nasty As She Is so artfully juxtaposed with As Innocent As She Seems must have ripped a hole in the space-time continuum. What’s utterly in the pink as regards the whole business is how Tony T just about kills the willing gagger with his cock, but after; after, people, he’s like, so tender. Just so fucking tender with her.
I’m crying.
It’s time for something completely different when Taryn Thomas brushes up against a Best Couples Scene (ugh) in her kissy kissy pairing with Denis Marti (are they dating?). Genuine heat renders this an acceptable breather in between all the throat-fucking-to-throwing-up, cum-swapping, DP, ATEverything, squirts-r-us goingson surrounding it.
Fucking slut Missy Monroe brings herself to a gushing climax in about three seconds flat to dampen out an offending cigarette in the forest, bless her Woodsy Owl. However, the fire continues to rage as she comes… er… upon hardworkers Brian Surewood (dude, that beard) and Joe Rock, proceeding to vandalize their dicks with her mouth (why no fucking? You’ll almost forget to ask, watching her suck them off… almost).
Finally, covergirls Georgia “Dirty” Southe and Kelly “Fucking” Wells want to be flight attendants–or this is what famously mouthy Brandon Iron accuses them of when he gets a gander at their tutus, breast-baring latex waist-cinchers and elbow-length gloves. I wonder what gave it away? Great, GREAT scene follows, where everybody does just about everything to everybody else that anybody can do to a body, not quite neutralizing the acute urp-factor in the prolonged cum-swap that follows.
In the vein of constructive criticism, I guess it might do to suggest that five scenes delivering the punch that only three had here would rocket anyone’s mercury on into the stratosphere, over and over and over. Directrix Mason, present as P.O.V. cam, knows dirty; after only a little time with one of her Sluts, you will too. Fantastic shooting, quick-n-tight editing, fabulous packaging–it’s so great to see real porn again.
xox
Eugenie Brown
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