John McCain, Republican candidate for President, will open up for Kid Rock tonight in Sturgis, South Dakota, as part of its annual motorcycle rally.
“All we represent to them, Man, is somebody needs haircuts,” McCain will not tell revelers at the Black Hills two-wheeled debauch-a-thon, not adding, “I like smoke and lightning – heavy metal thunder.”
The Senator will participate in the Tribute to American Veterans and Active Duty Servicemen at the Buffalo Chip, a performance venue and campground in Sturgis, prior to ceding the stage to Kid Rock and, later, the semi-finals of the Miss Buffalo Chip Beauty Contest.
Democratic candidate Barack Obama will not be speaking at the Rally, though the values expressed in movies like Easy Rider don’t have much room on the McCain platform. It is a risky move either way, and it takes guts to align oneself so publicly with Kid Rock, as I found when we went in on a failed school lunch venture together, Bawitabaloney.
Naturally I would think better of McCain if he began his speech this way:
My fellow Americans, I was coming back from a motorcycle classic in Sturgis, South Dakota, on my motorcycle on U.S. Highway 14. Just outside Spotted Horse, I ran into a deer. I had no chance. Even though the highway people had mowed the sides, they couldn’t mow around the culverts, and the doe jumped right in front of the bike. I had a chance to say one word, “Fuck!”, and then I hit it. I know this: If a bullet has my name on it, I won’t be calling for my mother. But the only reason I’m alive and telling this story, is because of the big FL front end and that solid tire on my Fat Boy. God Bless You and the United States of America.
Pictured with McCain is Miss Sturgis 2008, Rachel Reilly, and the local florist.
Previously: Cheyenne Hunter: the loneliness of the long-distance biker-MILF
See also: The Buffalo Chip, Miss Sturgis, John McCain
Dude, was that a “Limey” reference? Nice.
It is the least I can do for the Anglophiles in the audience