"Miss Conduct": Workplace sexual harassment done right

Women are being sexually harassed on the job in “Miss Conduct,” the debut release from Nightingale Pictures, but not one lawsuit is filed. Why? Because the harassers are women. Hot women. In skirts. It’s like they say in Porn Math class: Two sets of lips always equals an acceptable double standard.

Studio: Nightingale Pictures
Director: Clarice Mori
Starring: Aurora Snow, Kaci Starr, Danica Dillon, Charisma Capelli, Nicole Heiress, Tera Knightly, Kita Zen, Cece Stone, Loni Evans, Zoey Holloway

Lesbian movies for straight male audiences are usually advertised as “high-end.” I don’t know why; it’s just tradition. I’ve seen a lot of high-end lesbian movies but have never met a high-end lesbian. That is why I enjoyed “Miss Conduct” a great deal, because the pairings in this movie made me think of townie girls up to no good.

Witness Danica Dillon and Charisma Capelli in the first scene. Capelli catches Dillon talking on the phone at work. For whatever reason, Dillon is in the warehouse. Instead of firing her “eye candy,” however, Capelli fingerbangs her by a mop bucket. Doubtless Dillon will remember the Mop Bucket Fingerbang for a long time.

And then the unthinkable happens. They perform a 69. Even porn movies with 69 in the title rarely show this most delicate of procedures. I suppose that, once women are done playing with each other’s boobs and complimenting their shoes, there is little else to do. But it’s nice to see regardless.

Then we meet Nicole Heiress, masturbating her jean cutoffs off in a carpeted stairwell. Once she loses her thong, we realize she chose the stairwell because she lacks a carpet of her own.

I sometimes wonder why people masturbate in stairways, when there is probably a perfectly good bed or sofa in either direction.

Anyway, she is joined by Tera Knightly in a scene that has nothing to do with office assistants.

And yet I didn’t demand my money back.

But then we rejoin the theme in Scene Three, which begins with boss Cece Stone masturbating with a glass dildo whilst wearing a shimmery grey blouse. She is interrupted by new hire Kita Zen, who decides that the best place for her to be is behind the desk, as if a camera prevented her from being respectful of her boss’ station.

“I’d like you to finish the task that I started,” says Stone.

Loni Evans and Zoey Holloway then cavort on a couch meaning that, unless that couch was in the break room, a full 40 percent of this movie had nothing to do with its stated theme. That would be like me calling my next film “Uncomfortable Black-on-Bitch Bukkake” and having two scenes in it that were comfortable. Oh well.

Finally, Aurora Snow takes Kaci Starr to task for dressing inappropriately at work even as she, Snow, looks to be falling out of her dress.

This was my favorite scene because I like the way Snow has grown gracefully from sylph to MILF in recent years, and she blends predatrix with ingenue in a way few people can. Starr herself has become increasingly porned out in recent years as well, having started as a very virginal-looking juicy tidbit.

But here Starr is allowed to chew a little scenery as she realizes that a condition of her continued employment is that she become an Aurora Snowblower, pronto.

I liked the setups in the scenes that bothered to have them, and I hope Nightingale continues to cast movies that err on the trashy, sexy side, rather than the cookie cutter side, of porn “lesbians.”