Q. No, Grams. No.
A. Not No: Yes.
Q. But haven’t there been other “Facts of Life” porn parodies?
A. I have heard this to be true. But this will be, as they say in Hollywood, a “reboot,” a la Ang Lee’s “Hulk” vs. Edward Norton’s “Hulk,” of the “Facts of Life” parody concept, with a Porn Valley twist: I will be directing this “Facts of Life” porn parody the way Ang Lee would.
Q. To be fair, Edward Norton directed the reboot…
A. See how much credit I give you, My Readers, that even in invented questions I allow you the upper hand, and let you get away with making statements when a Q. clearly suggests a question is required?
But more on that later.
This weekend’s outing will be my full-length porn directing debut, though I have written dialogue and scripts for other movies and even guest-directed a scene from Benny Profane’s 2006 effort for the late VCA, “Barbed Wire Kiss,” starring Veronica Jett, Adrianna Nicole, and Zak Sabbath.
In his book “We Did Porn,” Sabbath refers to me as Monte Pomegranate and says that that shoot was his first porn movie, too. I didn’t know this at the time and it underscores something I tell inmates all the time on my inspirational trips to prisons: read more books.
Having me guest-direct a scene was more of a publicity stunt (not that it sold any more copies) and it wasn’t really my scene, but I did learn one thing that I will keep in mind for this weekend: Viagra wears off.