As you are well aware, this weekend I will be shooting my first porn movie, “The Facts of Life” porn parody.
Q. No, Grams. No.
A. Not No: Yes.Q. But haven’t there been other “Facts of Life” porn parodies?
A. I have heard this to be true. But this will be, as they say in Hollywood, a “reboot,” a la Ang Lee’s “Hulk” vs. Edward Norton’s “Hulk,” of the “Facts of Life” parody concept, with a Porn Valley twist: I will be directing this “Facts of Life” porn parody the way Ang Lee would.Q. To be fair, Edward Norton directed the reboot…
A. See how much credit I give you, My Readers, that even in invented questions I allow you the upper hand, and let you get away with making statements when a Q. clearly suggests a question is required?
But more on that later.
This weekend’s outing will be my full-length porn directing debut, though I have written dialogue and scripts for other movies and even guest-directed a scene from Benny Profane’s 2006 effort for the late VCA, “Barbed Wire Kiss,” starring Veronica Jett, Adrianna Nicole, and Zak Sabbath.
In his book “We Did Porn,” Sabbath refers to me as Monte Pomegranate and says that that shoot was his first porn movie, too. I didn’t know this at the time and it underscores something I tell inmates all the time on my inspirational trips to prisons: read more books.
Having me guest-direct a scene was more of a publicity stunt (not that it sold any more copies) and it wasn’t really my scene, but I did learn one thing that I will keep in mind for this weekend: Viagra wears off.
Previously on Porn Valley Observed: Being there—”We Did Porn”; I am the world’s greatest porn director; Buy “Barbed Wire Kiss”
Gram Ponante is America's Beloved Porn Journalist
Ang Lee’s “Hulk” came thisclose to putting me to sleep. Don’t be that guy who puts out a sleep-inducing movie (sleep due to boredom, not melatonin).
go get ‘em!
The thing about this parody concept is it really does offer something for every genre fan. I will be VERY upset if I don’t get that Mrs. Garrett-Natalie-Tootie threesome we’ve all dreamt of for decades.
Godspeed, Grams.
If there is any way to include an optional director’s commentary, I hearby vote that you include one.
I would so listen to porn director commentary. More so if it’s for The Facts of Life parody. Everything is right about that.
Dear friends,
There will be ample backstage documentation. It will be like “The Battle of Algiers.”
Unfortunately, a lot of porn these days comes with its own inherent “director’s commentary,” either in the form of the mooks behind the camera chattering the entire time, cheering on their buddy as he “fucks that bitch,” or good old-fashioned unnerving and sobering audible heavy-breathing.
Imagine hearing Steven Soderbergh’s breathing the entire time Sasha Grey was on-screen in The Girlfriend Experience.