MontagFoto 3.25.13—Dana DeArmond and elegant design

Dana DeArmond and the apple box
Dana DeArmond and the apple box

Do you root for Dana DeArmond? I root for Dana DeArmond. I have never seen her be anyone but Dana DeArmond, even when I personally disagreed with Dana DeArmond, and that is special and admirable. And do you know what else? Her real name is Dana DeArmond, not some cockamamie brainy anagram like…Roger T. Pipe.

Last year I visited the set of Dana Vespoli’s “Lesbian Office Seductions” for the refreshed and revitalized Sweetheart Video and there was Dana DeArmond, all taut and frank.

“Would you please sit on that apple box, Dana?” I said.

“Of course, Gram,” she said, as if her physical nakedness could somehow be made more powerful by her singular lack of anonymity, especially in the face of me hiding behind a nom de porn (my real name is Ronnie James Dio).

She sat on the apple box (a varnished wooden stepstool/chairlet used in photo and film shoots, easily struck and scaleable) and slowly spread her legs and opened her mouth. We professional porn photographers know that this presents a delicious dilemma for the viewer: Both passages are open—where do I put it?.

Cannily, the veteran seductress DeArmond made it easy by positioning herself over a clue. As if she were a bottle containing medicine that would go down very easily, she lined up her own landing strip with the apple box’s complementary markings.

Yes, Reader, DeArmond is saying she wants it in her vagina.

Whatever “it” is.

Previously on Porn Valley Observed: “Shut Up And Fuck” is the most fun you can have with your mouth closed; Today in Lesbians—how they work

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Gram Ponante is America's Beloved Porn Journalist

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