Dear Friends,
I wanted to share with you some of the joyful affirmations that have given our family such peace over the holidays. Merry Christmas!
- If your vagina were Christmas, I would ruin it.
- If we were to meet under the mistletoe, I would fuck you.
- Were the inches of my penis measured in reindeer, I would have the team from the year Rudolph led it.
- Were your vagina a chimney, Santa would marvel at the load I dropped there.
- “Nog.”
- You know my favorite Christmas movie, Baby? “It’s A Wonderful Wife Swap.” Oh. That’s not a movie? Let’s make that movie.
- Maybe the stocking are hung BY the chimney, but I’m hung LIKE a chimney.
- You know the “Miracle on 34th Street”? Mine goes up to 36th Street.
- Do you hear what I hear? That’s me fucking you.
- You can be damn sure that it would be anything but an immaculate conception.
- By “figgy pudding,” I mean your ass. Now bring it right here.
Top: Mya Luanna, Memphis Monroe, and Shy Love from when they were Hustler contract girls.
Previously on Porn Valley Observed: Father Nog spotted over Chatsworth; Account of a visit from Federal Agents; Gram’s Christmas Miracle
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