Somewhere after “Mean Girls,” Lindsey Lohan became porny in affectation without showing the skin to back it up. Then all the curves melted away in a haboob of cocaine. Finally, by “The Canyons,” we kind of didn’t want to see her naked anymore. Natasha Nice reminds us of all that promise, and delivers in a crazy joyride of flesh and drama.
“Why you choose escort?”
“Because I really need the money.”
“You are student? You work hard?”
“Yes, I study a lot. I also study fucking.”
“Yeah? Ha ha! You study fucking! Haaa!”
Nice, who speaks French but not Japanese, gamely answers all her new employer’s questions, but it is sometimes awkward, as these things usually are. I remember when I interviewed for a job at McDonald’s and my new boss didn’t understand that I, too, studied fucking.
Her gentleman friend cannot get enough of Nice, who spills out of her t-shirt and shorts like she will single-handedly restore the Japanese empire.
He is entranced, and compelled, but it all goes horribly wrong. And this is where I think Ms. Nice outdoes Ms/ Lohan in the acting department, as her john mistakenly creampies her.
“Natasha inside,” he says. “No?”
“NO,” she replies vainly pushing down on her abdomen to prevent fertilization. “Now I’m going to get pregnant.”
How often do we learn some French, some Japanese, and some cause and effect biology in porn, or in any movie other than the Julian Assange one? Never.
|Natasha Nice, Third World Media, Gram Ponante|