It had been more than a year since I’d last visited Porn Star Karaoke, and much had changed. First, there were porn stars all over the place.
Second, several businesses in the strip mall in which Sardo’s is located had vacated due to what appears to be a years-long construction project digging in on Burbank’s Pass Ave.
Sardo’s has been PSK’s home for the six years of its life. Founded as a promotional event for the former KSEX Radio, which at the time was located up the road, Porn Star Karaoke has owned Tuesday nights since the days of Wankus, Tony Batman, and now Hunter, who is perfect for the job.
“I see a lot of people in this audience that I’ve fucked,” said Hunter, cueing up “Are You Lonesome Tonight?” “Or that I will fuck.”
Despite this, all was not well.
“I just found out they’ll be working on the road until April, 2010,” said Sardo’s owner Seymour ruefully.
Seymour is a pillar of the community. I have never seen (on this coast) someone so universally well-regarded. He seems to know everyone’s name and porn stars line up to park their breasts on his head. Ariella Ferreira was doing this as I walked in.
Despite Ferreira and a packed house, Seymour was grave. “I hope we can hold on until January,” he said.
It is hard to imagine that part of town without Sardo’s, but the road construction, which has blocked the main entrance to the strip mall, has already done its damage to the other businesses. My suggestion? Go to Sardo’s every night. Find alternate routes.
I admit that I thought about turning around when my way was blocked.
“The universe is telling me I shouldn’t get a blowjob in the bathroom,” I thought. But then I remembered that I had agreed to show up. How could I live with myself if I flaked?
Tonight’s occasion was the birthday party of a guy named Powder. Powder is one of the only people in the porn industry to make a living from Internet radio. He started as a production assistant with KSEX and then got a job at RudeTV. Now that both are either gone or on hiatus, he gets by crewing for other porn productions.
Testament to Powder’s nice guy image, the bar was packed. Hunter prowled the room saying suggestive things to people that I have no doubt she would be able to manifest if she so chose.
Usually when someone says “I’m a very sexual person” I don’t believe them. It seems like a distraction from their true, sexually ambivalent nature. When Hunter says it, it’s a warning. When Hunter says “I’m a very sexual person” she means that she will fuck your brain from your skull. I’ve seen it happen.
On stage was a woman named Magdalene who was singing what seemed to me a very serious song. It turns out she makes lesbian movies. Is there a connection?
Seymour has a knack for picking hot but wholesome waitresses. One of these fed me Jagermeister and Powder a birthday cake. Outside, performers Angel Vain, Ariella Ferreira, and Cherry Ferretti cozied up to the birthday boy who, prior to cutting his hair last week, looked like Gregg Allman.
I made sure to shoot a hot ATM scene with Ferretti that you will see in the gallery.
It was a good night. I hung out with Konnie, a purple-haired producer of staged webcam shows (“We go to a girl’s house and film her getting naked but we pretend it’s a webcam show,” she said) and then watched a woman execute a perfect Tina Turner impression (minus the beatings) with her rendition of “Proud Mary.”
I looked up and it was closing time, the morning after Powder’s birthday, and Hunter was a little hoarse and sweaty, the way I like her. Tonight is another PSK, and you should go.
Previously on Porn Valley Observed: Morning Wood with Nicki Hunter
See also: Sardo’s
I’m a very sexual person.
I knew it!