No-Guilt Titillation in “Grindhouse XXX”

“Grindhouse XXX” is not a parody.

The beauty of the 1970s grindhouse genre—when it succeeded—was that it never tried to be anything but a guilty pleasure. Grindhouse filmmakers stuck as much T & A as possible into their cheaply-produced features, never kidding themselves that it was the story that people were coming to see in drive-ins across the United States. It was boobs mixed with low expectations that made grindhouse films a cherished bit of Americana.

Studio: Adam & Eve
Director: David Lord & Andre Madness
Starring: Teagan Presley, Nina Mercedez, Derrick Pierce, Eric Masterson, Alexis Ford, Briana Blair, Andy San Dimas, Mr. Pete, Rocco Reed, Jack Lawrence, Ralph Long, Lee Stone, D Snoop, Britney Amber, India Summer

So how does porn so often go wrong? After all, porn has plenty of boobs.

It’s the difference between picking up a winning and ready-to-go Five in your local bar versus the complex pageantry and financial ruin of going for her 10 counterpart downtown. It is the joy of “Caddyshack” versus the effort of “The Piano.”

Attractiveness has a lot to do with attitude. So when pornographers suggest that they are making something greater than porn, it is then that all the limitations of budget, production, and talent that porn comprises present themselves. That is why “Grindhouse XXX” is so satisfying; it’s naked girls doing stuff.

Quentin Tarantino and Robert Rodriguez recognized the simple gifts of tits, ass, blood, and guns in their 2007 homage to the genre, “Grindhouse.” This year, David Lord and Andre Madness release an adaptation of that homage with two grindhouse porns on one disc, “Student Assassin” and “Massacre at Pine Lake.”

Lord’s “Student Assassin” stars Teagan Presley and Nina Mercedez as a contract killer and her cop girlfriend, respectively. Mercedez doesn’t know that Presley has been putting herself through school by being a killer for hire, but when Presley saves her from a gang of thugs, she can’t be too upset.

In true grindhouse fashion (and paying tribute to the lovable filmic flaws Tarantino and Rodriguez also replicated), “Student Assassin” doesn’t worry too much that Teagan is too 30, tattooed, and busty to be a student, only that she and Mercedez look great in the shower.

With simulated film pops and graininess one can only find these days in postproduction rather than actual film, “Student Assassin” just looks good, and casting Presley, Mercedez, and Britney Amber—all of them lush and tough—fits the grindhouse aesthetic.

On the same disc, Madness’s “Massacre At Pine Lake” finds Alexis Ford as a blonde and nubile camp counselor facing down an escaped killer (Lee Stone). Opportunities for sex abound on the last day before campers arrive, and Rocco Reed is dead-on 1970’s as a tube-socked and hairy-headed hay forker.

Madness gives D Snoop his inevitable Antoine Dodson moment when (as the character Antoine) Snoop suggests residents of Pine Lake “hide your mothers.”

I happened to be on a Lee Roy Myers set when I heard cinematographer Paul Woodcrest, who is a fan of the Internet, first suggest to D Snoop that he should play Antoine Dodson at some point. Myers makes a directorial cameo in “Grindhouse XXX,” a la the “Machete” short in the original, with “Easter,” in which the Easter Bunny has finally had enough.

Sadly, there was no budget for nudity in that one.

“Grindhouse XXX” is a pleasure to watch. It promises and asks nothing more than the enjoyment of tasty naked women alternately shooting at other people or soaping each other.

• Buy “Grindhouse XXX” here

Previously on Porn Valley Observed: It’s a “Black Devil Doll” thing, Bitch!; Gerald Damiano’s Visions of Joanna; A little tribute to Rose McGowan and Tina Tyler
See also: Adam & Eve