Not A Good Idea

The lone advice I have is that
You’re not to squeeze the belly fat
On your trip from bone to bone
Leave that shit the fuck alone
For what may seem as worth your love
As ass below and tits above
Is instead a no man’s land:
A place not smart to rest your hand
Or head, appendage soft or hard
Will be withdrawn, both clawed and scarred
And you must never admit that
You like to see a little fat
So navel-gaze while on your own
But leave that shit the fuck alone.

While watching “Debbie Does Dallas” for the first time recently I happened on this scene between Mr. Bradley (David Suton) and Annie (Jenny Cole), who had just agreed on a mutually beneficial arrangement. But as Mr. Bradley heads south on the teen entrepreneur who just waxed his Mercedes, he instinctively pinches her belly fat, and I worried for his life.

I can only speak as a man and representative of all men when I say that, to us, squeezing is appreciating. Yet I have been in more than one situation in which I’ve carelessly brushed a thumb over an insignificant amount of stomach and been told NOW I DON’T FEEL PRETTY.

I’d like to hear what you think. Women: is this OK within limits? Is it never OK? Can I come over a grab massive handfuls of it? Please contribute to this essential body of research.

Buy “Debbie Does Dallas” here, by the way.

The late, lamented Morphine (1:56 is what I’m talking about)

Previously on Porn Valley Observed: Alix Lakehurst’s extra-wide world of public nudity; Hirsch’s Heavies Heave Haunches Heavenward

About Gram the Man 4399 Articles
Gram Ponante is America's Beloved Porn Journalist


  1. Morphine is THE $@*@$-ing BOMB.

    And yeah, I’ve had almost exactly that experience before…you put it well. It was an interesting and somewhat tragic experience.

  2. I don’t know; I assume if it’s to the point where I’m naked with someone that they’re pleased by what I’ve got or they wouldn’t be there, but I can see how if someone were to grab a handful of pudge I might automatically assume it’s not in an appreciative way but in a “How much of this is there?! O_O ” way since that’s my snap reaction to it myself, despite years of trying to think otherwise.

  3. works for me. on both the giving and receiving end. I’ve incorporated gut/beer belly play in some of my pov scenes over the years and find that really helps put me in the ‘zone’ as much as any SUPER bj by some hot starlet. and w/my affinity for puffy chicks, well my hands are going ALL over the map like it or not when we’re in the buff. whatevs, I’m a total hog and it’s ok if most you guys out there aint. dig it! ~ T.Von Swine.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.