“Not Charlie’s Angels XXX”: It Involves Cocaine

Since the 70’s TV series “Charlie’s Angels” was rebooted as a movie franchise a few years ago by the likes of Drew Barrymore and Cameron Diaz, it makes sense that the porn parody would have more to play with as a takeoff on the coke and disco-fueled big hair decade. This is the route X-Play chose in its first production outing with New Sensations.

Studio: X-Play/New Sensations
Director: Will Ryder
Starring: Lexi Swallow, Sunny Leone, Andy San Dimas, Dirty Harry, Marcus London, Heather Starlet, James Bartholet, Breane Benson, Madison Ivy, Cassandra Cruz, Vicky Chase, Eric Swiss, Seth Gamble, Eric John

The series, about a harem of sexy private detectives starring (at one point) Me Decade babes Farrah Fawcett and Jacklyn Smith, was more a hit in pubescent bedroom poster form than it ever was in ratings, so it behooves a parody to get the cast naked as fast as possible before viewers start to worry about the plot.

A little background: writer/director Jeff Mullen, whose director nom de porn is Will Ryder, started in the porn business almost 20 years ago scoring porn films. He later got into the dubious trade of writing press releases, and was for a few years in the early 21st century the marketing contact for New Sensations. Then, with producing partner Scott David, Mullen founded X-Play and began the current parody movement with “Britney Rears,” a project that mixed his music, marketing, and directorial efforts.

Since then, X-Play has made a dozen parodies, either in a for-hire capacity or as a sole producer, distributing through Adam & Eve and Hustler. As the parody idea caught on for good or ill (usually a combination of both), Mullen even sought legal exclusivity of the “Not” preface.

While writing a story about Hustler’s “Avatar XXX” (directed by Axel Braun), I asked various Hustler execs how they had streamlined their parody process so as not to get hit by any (or as many) lawsuits or cease & desist letters. They were so legally crafty that they declined to comment and instead sent me to Jeff Mullen:

We don’t really have any fantastic horror stories when it comes to us being frightened by legal folks in Hollywood.   I wish I had some crazy story to tell but the truth is that Hollywood is too smart to sue us and in their mind we’re more like a fly on a horse’s ass.

We have our own set of guidelines that we use at X-Play to remain in good standing and out of the line of fire with respect to legal issues with the mainstream companies that created the popular television shows that we spoof.  We utilized a number of legal minds back in the beginning with our Britney Spears and Brady Bunch spoofs that carved out what we could and could not do and we operate in a very safe and might I add legal area.  We pretty much used common sense and make it clear at all times that our work was not coming from the producers of the television show which is a big point.  Our titles pretty much state that we are not the Bradys, we are not Bewitched, we are not the Cosbys, we are not M*A*S*H and we are not Charlie’s Angels.  We might look pretty damn good but we aren’t them.  We are always quite clear not to mislead the audience.  The fact that our sitcums have the look and feel of the original shows is what I believe caused this parody movement to blow up in the first place.

There was one time when we were about to shoot the first Cosby Show XXX movie and we received a FedEx letter from that show’s producers warning us to be careful and not do it but we did it anyway.  I really would have enjoyed the extra publicity but those guys realize that porn is still a relatively small sales market compared to mainstream and they would be bringing a much brighter spotlight on us then what we would normally receive so they leave it alone like a hot potato.

I bumped into another TV producer a couple of years ago and he said as long as the girls weren’t forced into performing sex in our movies he didn’t have a problem.  I assured him they all took their panties off under their own free will and he seemed a bit more relaxed.  I then offered him a complimentary DVD but he tensed up and declined although he said he had seen the story on Entertainment Tonight.   CBS’s The Insider ran a video interview with Christopher Knight who played Peter Brady who said he thought it was the “sincerest form of flattery”.  Check it out here  www.sitcums.com/ETideos.html

I cannot speak for the other one million porn companies that have jumped on the parody bandwagon lately but they all have their own set of guidelines which might differ from ours.  We really don’t talk about this as an industry as everyone keeps their cards pretty close to their vest.
Theme songs in porn parody are also an interesting legal subject because some companies attempt to make the music a parody within the project and other companies don’t dare to even come close.  At X-Play we pride ourselves in hitting the mark each and every time in the music studio by making it sound as if it were the actual theme song.  Of course we always create a different melody and lyrics and I am one hundred percent certain we would never lose in a copyright infringement lawsuit but our music has the style and feel of the original.  Our policy is we want every detail to be perfect and that goes for music down to the correct era and style of panties.  If you don’t believe me check out our PG movie trailers at www.sitcums.com

In my mind it might even be a twisted badge of honor to have your show receive the porn parody treatment.  Now with all that said, I wouldn’t be surprised if we see some possible legal letters being sent out in the near future for some of the movies produced this year but they will not be addressed to X-Play.

The parody market has grown lushly incestuous, with major players Lee Roy Myers, Mullen, and Axel Braun skipping between companies like Hustler, New Sensations, and Vivid, sometimes financing their own movies and inking distribution deals, or sometimes working as day-rate directors for the self-same studios.

And parodies have become such a comparative cash cow that now and then a movie seems to get made on auto-pilot.

With admirable costuming and set decoration by hairdresser-turned porn mogul Scott David, “Not Charlie’s Angels” looks very much like the 70’s show, still viewable today on stelae and other ancient media. And the wooden acting and plot that serves only to get the likes of Andy San Dimas and Sunny Leone undressed follows the same rules as the Aaron Spelling original.

Having recently watched a couple of the TV shows, I was struck by how really, really boring they were as if, like with a porn movie, producers knew the real need was neither plot nor acting but to create a reason for the female cast to get in bikinis.

So it is with the porn parody. While San Dimas and Leone struggle mightily to nail the flimsy characters entrusted to them (Leone flips her hair admirably and with conviction—she’s a lot of fun to watch, and San Dimas, cast as the comparatively straitlaced Sabrina, registers shock when penetrated), and while it is always great to see the porn icon Dirty Harry, and while casting a man named Porno Dan as a sleazeball was a heroic bit of affirmative action, “Not Charlie’s Angels” adds nothing to the original and, sad to say, Lexi Swallow doesn’t know Farrah Fawcett from a hole in the ground.

As an example of the despair the porn industry feels in getting product out there, “Not Charlie’s Angels” didn’t need to be made—there was just a compulsion to do it. It is fitting that this movie opened with a scene of disco-era club dudes cutting lines of cocaine.

• Buy “Not Charlie’s Angels XXX” here
• See the “Charlie’s Angels XXX” trailer here

See also: New Sensations, Sitcums