After I went on a field trip to see “Hall Pass,” I looked into getting some mail order brides to make things easier at home. It didn’t pan out. Instead, I offer you willing British tart Paige Ashley in “American Bride.”
For reasons unexplained aside from the fact that she is impossibly hot and can do whatever crosses her mind, sassy Brit Ashley decides to go to America to find a husband.
First, she must get a goodbye present from fellow Limette Cindy Behr. Though they are speaking some form of English to each other, I found myself looking at their breasts, which are a direct result of the plucky British perseverance and fortitude that helped them win the war, as those breasts are nothing if not plucky, persevering, and fortified.
Once in Hollywood, Ashley samples TJ Cummings, Dane Cross, Talon, Sascha, and Jerry before arriving at no conclusion at all.
Paige Ashley is not only lovely to look at but she smokes unapologetically. Judging by her rental car, it doesn’t seem that she’d need to marry for money, nor is it apparent why she’d have to cross an ocean to find wealthy sexual partners.
What I’m saying, Readers, is that this movie does not make sense.
(And this is the point we say “Fuck sense.”)
Buy “American Bride” here
Previously on Porn Valley Observed: Sabrina’s Deep-Thinking Big Top Gang Bang; Jesse Jane and the U.S. Male
See also: Bluebird Films
Gram Ponante is America's Beloved Porn Journalist
