Pirates 2 contest reaches wailing climax

I received several excellent ropey lyrical volleys for the Pirates 2 contest, leading me to think we should have a contest every month around here. The challenge was to write a poem inspired by Pirates 2, the same way Madonna wrote songs inspired by the film Dick Tracy. Yes, exactly like that.

There were limericks and haikus, and even a “Kubla Khan”-style shanty that reaffirms my faith in the intelligence and whimsy of our nation’s porn consumers.

To see most of the responses, check out the comments section here, where winners can also find instructions for laying claim to their Pirates booty.

In the meantime, some of my favorites:

from Kiddex:

Jesse Jane in Pirates 2 does smoulder
And ne’er does she turn a cold shoulder
But still I’m aghast
And am forced to ask
“So where is Janine Lindemulder?”

Who rhymes anything with Janine Lindemulder anymore? Genius.

from Banshee:

Jesse the Wench was a cutie
With spectacular tits and that booty,
She knelt down and blew men,
Both captains and crewmen,
From LA to eastern Djibouti

Not just Djibouti but Eastern Djibouti. Genius.

from Super Edco:

Shyla Styles will dance burlesque
Sasha Grey your wenchy bimbo
Abby Brooks so Rubenesque
And Jenna Haze looks best akimbo!

and from HRE:

Though Stagnetti’s ship may have sunk,
He’ll come back in ways no one thunk,
And so I can see
it on DVD,
I’m writing this limerick whilst drunk.

That last one really hit me where I lived. I can’t stop weeping!

Previously on Porn Valley Observed: Pirates 2 contest; Today in porn swag; Expensive Joonetang!
See also: Digital Playground

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Gram Ponante is America's Beloved Porn Journalist

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