“Only JET, the hottest night club in Vegas, is equipped to handle a party of this magnitude for the hottest movie of the year,” says an unattributed source in a press release.
Jesse Jane®, Stoya™, Riley Steele™, Katsuni, Angelina Armani™, and non-trademarked stars Sasha Grey and Teagan Presley will be on hand Friday night, where a ateam of trademark lawyers will be on hand to register their names the way Mormons have baptized your ancestors.
“I would like to thank everyone at JET Nightclub for all their help in arranging the party,” said Samantha Lewis, Digital Playground’s CEO. “I couldn’t be more pleased with the response that ‘Pirates II’ received in 2008. This party is a great way to kick off 2009, which promises to be even better as ‘Pirates II’ shows a definitive exponential sales increase and widespread market appeal.”
Across town at the Ellis Island Casino and Restaurant, several entrepreneurs from Mogadishu will be hosting the Somali Pirates release party, featuring 2-for-1 drink specials and the hosting talents of Sassy McSassypants, star of Wicked Vivid’s Bedwetting Puppeteers and the voice of Mei Mei in the porn classic Totoro Meets Voltron.
“This party is a great way to kick off 2009, which promises to be even better as ‘Somali Pirates’ shows a definitive exponential sales increase and widespread market appeal,” said Umbul N’kedge.