With the news that XBiz has swooped in to claim the second weekend in January—a spot historically held by AVN—for its convention and awards, Porn’s Dad, Jerry, has told the squabbling older and younger adult trade siblings they’re both pretty.
“Girls, girls,” Jerry (who, if you believe the literature, was the one who got them into porn in the first place) said helplessly. “Can’t you have your own things?”
AVN’s Las Vegas events have been a January tradition for the adult industry since the 1980s. For the past several years, however, an encroaching XBiz has staked out Los Angeles in February for its XBiz Forum and Awards, in addition to functions in Las Vegas and, more recently, Chicago and Europe.
AVN last month announced that it would be moving its ancient and venerable convention (the Adult Entertainment Expo, though not owned by AVN, is known throughout the adult industry as “going to AVN”) from the Sands Expo, Las Vegas, to the Palms Resort And Casino, where its annual awards show has been hosted since 2010.
This is a smart move, as the convention and AVN Awards have not been in the same place for the past five years, with performers and fans shuttling between the Sands for the convention and either the Mandalay Bay Casino or the Palms for the AVN Awards.
“That place didn’t appreciate you,” said Jerry to AVN, noting the sneers of Teamsters and the sidelong glances of Korean Consumer Electronics Show attendees.
But AVN also moved its time slot to January 18-21, which Jerry noted was “like leaving the bathroom empty while AVN ran out in its towel to get some soap.”
“After having hosted the AVN Awards for the past two years, the Palms is excited to help AVN take the Adult Entertainment Expo and the Adult Novelty Expo in a new direction,” said George J. Maloof, Jr., chairman of the Palms Resort Casino. “Our world-class facilities and professional staff will make the January shows a great success.”
XBiz will be running its convention, which also includes a retail expo and conference, in locations from Burbank to Beverly Hills from January 9-11, historically the weekend the adult industry heads to Las Vegas for AVN.
“I’m going to have my Greek boyfriend kill that bitch,” shrieked AVN, hurling the Wicked girls at a table strewn with PussyCash pens and lanyards.
Jerry took XBiz into the foyer and sat her down.
“Is it because of GFY?” he asked. “These things hurt, don’t they? But now, to prove your point, you’re chasing all around Los Angeles and—what?—expecting people to go to both conventions a week apart? Or maybe just going to your convention?”
XBiz looked up, its eyes glistening with big, round tears.
“You know the type of people who’d go to both conventions just to hedge their bets?” asked Jerry.
“People interested in using social media to grow their business?”
“No: Desperate people with just a little bit more money than sense,” said Jerry. “I hope you know what you’re doing.”
Just then AVN walked in with a new site design.
“That’s your third this year,” Jerry said. “You two swap site designs like you do sales and editorial staff. When will it end?”
XBiz and AVN looked at each other.
“When Steve Hirsch will only answer my calls and start buying ads again,” they said, and ran into each other’s arms, sobbing.
“There, there,” Jerry said, pushing them closer together. “Shhh. Don’t fight any more. Shhh. Now kiss each other. Shhh. Shhh.”
Previously on Porn Valley Observed: Gonzo girls protest 747 ghetto; Porn Valley signage—which is real?
See also: XBIZ Announces January 2012 Show Dates for XBIZ LA, XBIZ Retail, XBIZ Awards, Adult Entertainment Expo
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