Porn stars in my past, nipples in the news

I went to college with a guy named Brian and a woman named Jennifer (as did many of us). One day, Brian came into our dorm’s common room, prior to the television being tossed out the window, and said:

“Jen’s got nips that are two and a half inches out.”

Read more about my confusion at this statement and how it turns out Vicky Vette wasn’t in my Economics class, one click away.

In the older porn performer world, few hold a candle to Vicky Vette, who this week announced she has two-and-a-half inch nipples. Unfortunately what Vette calls nipples are actually her areolae, the pigmented areas surrounding her nipples.

Vicky supplies a picture of her areola against a Stanley measuring tape. I hate to school porn stars on aspects of their own anatomies, but Hey, I’m a Latin fan.

Now Havana Ginger – that chick’s areolae must be about three feet in diameter.

When I read Vette’s claim of such huge nipples I naturally assumed that yet another person from my numerous almae matres had taken up a porn career. Oh well.

Anyway, when Brian came into our common area I thought he was talking about Jennifer’s ethnicity, which happened to be Japanese, because why say “nip” when “nipple” is just one syllable more?

I later saw Jennifer’s nips myself (after she’d washed Brian off them) and they were totally 2.5″ perpendicular to her body. In fact, they were perpendictastic. I measured them with a ruler I’d had since second grade and, with a little work, we got the left one out to 2 and 7/8″. I should’ve taken pictures, but I wasn’t that kind of person then.

Anyway, Vicky Vette, her areolae, and every other glorious part of her will be appearing tonight at SexCamCentral and Wednesday with Lisa Sparxxx in a special “Presidential Boob Debate”.

Don’t worry, Vicky, I’m sure Sen. Sam Brownback couldn’t point out an areola, either.

Previously: Recovering Vette; No Morals!
See also: Vicky Vette, The difference between an areola and an aureola

About Gram the Man 4399 Articles
Gram Ponante is America's Beloved Porn Journalist

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