Porn Valley Goes Hollywood in Annual Tradition

CHATSWORTH, Calif. — Adult movie revenues might be down, but California’s porn industry isn’t throwing in the cum rag in its quest to adapt the 2009 Academy Award Best Picture nominees for XXX audiences.

“We’re very excited about this year’s lineup,” said Loup Perch-Tounge, president of the Porn Valley Mainstream Adaptation Guild, the body behind everything from Lord of the G-strings to Desperate Housewhores to Mr. Holland’s Anus.

The Academy of Motion Picture Arts And Sciences recently announced the five nominees for Best Picture, and Perch-Tounge said that Porn Valley’s major studios had already been given their adaptation assignments.

“Hustler got Milk, so they’re doing it as MILF,” Perch-Tounge said. “The story of a MILF and her struggle to find dates in 1970’s San Francisco. They’ve signed Sasha Grey. She’s going to put on 40 pounds.”

It is said that the Oscars are bellwethers of changing attitudes in America, and so it is with porn. Last year Vivid scored with its adaptation No Country for Old Contract Stars, a searing study of how the adult world traditionally abandoned women over 26 until the recent MILF and Cougar craze.

“Wicked really lobbied for that one, but Savanna Samson was a no-brainer,” Perch-Tounge said.

Among other adaptations are Ross/Skeeter, in which blogger Gene Ross takes on a career-defining interview with disgraced pornographer Skeeter Kerkove, money changes hands, and both men learn a little about themselves in the process. The Spreader, featuring James Deen as a teen who has an affair with an older woman (Gia Darling) only to learn years later she was a transsexual, and Horndog Busfare-ionare, about a young man from the wrong side of Van Nuys Blvd. who wants more than anything to be one of the mopes staying hard in the background of an American Bukkake installment.

Each of the films is currently in production, Perch-Tounge said, and is scheduled for release prior to the Academy Awards’ Feb. 22 telecast.

The only of this year’s Oscar Best Picture nominees to not score a porn adaptation was The Curious Case of Benjamin Button.

“We were all set with getting Joone’s brother in-law to do the digital effects,” Perch-Tounge said, “but the fact the title character gets to the money shot of the film as a child put the project in indefinite turnaround. And we already tackled that theme with Ross/Skeeter.”

Previously on Porn Valley Observed: Gram Ponante announces Oscars of Porn
See also: Oscars