“I saw the hits on the Youtube trailer and thought, ‘We could do this in a weekend for about $15,000,'” says Bill Hertz of his aborted porn parody. The original is blamed for the storming of three U.S. embassies and the murders of several people. “We had a chance to make an adaptation that was better than the original—maybe getting Tanner Mayes to do all the parts—but it wouldn’t have been good for the industry.”
The artistic director of porn studio Medium Talent and founder of the series “Bedwetters in Tight Sweaters” says that now might not be the right time.
“That and the syphilis,” he says.
The Youtube trailer for “Innocence of Muslims” has been online for months but only gained worldwide attention recently. The horribly directed, abysmally acted, and otherwise hateful film was used as justification by similarly-educated zealots for striking U.S. targets in the Arab world.
“Naturally we thought we should capitalize on it,” says Hertz, “but my free speech rights were abridged.”
“We had already been fielding media requests asking if the movie had been produced by pornographers,” bristles Loup Perch-Tounge of the Porn Valley Chamber of Commerce, “but we assured them our production value is much higher, especially with the 2008 collapse of altporn.”
Fighting declining DVD sales and ever-increasing online piracy, the porn industry has capitalized on a few dim spots of hope, including “celebrity” porn like a recent Octomom video, selling ads on torrent sites featuring its own pirated content, and porn parodies of established mainstream fare.
But when Perch-Tounge and other industry leaders learned Hertz was planning to shoot a parody in the desert communities around Antelope Valley, they quickly put the brakes to his plans.
“We reminded him that half our paying customers are Muslims and there was no reason to halt the Octomom Rebound,” Perch-Tounge says.
Hertz claims that “This Ain’t Innocence of Muslims XXX” wouldn’t even be the first porn movie exploiting religious themes, citing recent titles like “Torah Whores of the Fertile Crescent” and “Jesus Christ Superstud.”
“Not to mention my ‘Thighanetics’ and ‘Battlefield Gape.'” he adds.
But industry ethicists have long maintained that just because the technology exists to make a porn parody, such as greenscreens, free online “Star Trek” fonts, and a Flintstones wig, doesn’t mean parodies should be made willy-nilly.
“There is a sense of desperation in the porn community that breeds poor choices and magical thinking,” says Gram Ponante, a longtime porn business observer. “I don’t see much difference between [referencing an ongoing STD scandal] pretending you’re not working with syphilis and feeling the need to squeeze out some inane parody without stopping to think if it will be any good.”
Perch-Tounge says his initial temptation to make the “Muslims” parody was replaced by a sense of peacefulness and resolve.
“It wasn’t too long ago that the production values, acting, and writing in this film would have been indistinguishable from porn,” he says. “But we’ve traveled so far beyond that. I guess it’s enough to just know we could do it better, and leave it at that.”
Still, Hertz is wistful about the “thousands of dollars” he might have made had he gone ahead with the project.
“But it’s just not right,” he says.
Activist and retired porn actress Iphigenia Squirtz agrees, adding that she is proud the porn world has shown uncharacteristic restraint.
“I like to think that taking a breath and waiting to do the right thing will replace the need to just do any goddamn thing,” she says.
Hertz has decided to go in a different direction and will be helming “This Ain’t Not The Brady Bunch XXX,” a parody of the porn parody of “The Brady Bunch.”
“I’m going to have t ready by Ramadan,” he says.
Previously on Porn Valley Observed: Crucifellatio—its origin and basis in science; Loving the Donkey Punch, hating the donkey puncher; Tanner Mayes won’t fight nature
Leave a Reply