You may wonder why I travelled to the swollen and tumescent L.A. River for this week’s Porner’s Almanac sponsored by Gamelink. It is because the L.A. River is big and wet, and so, according to this movie title, are Alexis Grace’s tits.
In this week’s Almanac we check in with Caroline Pierce in Las Vegas as she slowly inflates a balloon, which then pops. People sure do get off on that. As Pierce reaches Minute Two of this ordeal, we can see the expression on her face change from amicable sexual customer servant to Sometimes I Just Don’t Understand My Fanbase.
We also visit Alexis Grace and Ramon Nomar on the set of “Big Wet Tits 13,” shot in January and released last week. Do you need further proof of Porn Valley’s efficiency? Don’t send jobs to India; send them to Chatsworth, America!
It was great hanging out with Alexis Grace, who is unmistakeably porny. You would not not know she was a porn star if she pulled up next to you at a stoplight, or stood next to you at Ralph’s, roughly handling the avocados in her Juicy sweatpants and French manicure. When she stands next to you, naked and oiled in her heels, she’s about 6’2″ and you feel like you could start a new civilization with her.
This week’s birthdays include Alex Sanders, star of the very first porn movie I ever watched being filmed, “Whoriental Sex Academy 4.” It also starred Mika Tan and the late Sledge Hammer. Just watch the first scene, if you would, when Sledge and Sanders meet Mika Tan at the “restaurant.” Not to speak ill of the dead, but Hammer’s acting here is easily some of the worst porn acting I’ve ever seen. He probably shot about a billion movies that year (2002), so he can be forgiven. By comparison, Sanders and Tan are acting as hard as they can.