Now that the harrowing 45-minute power outage that gripped L.A. has ended (I already have three new televisions, a case of Johnny Walker Blue, and a glass-topped coffee table that I looted from LFP), I have been thinking about ways I could make extra money in the porn business, just to keep me ahead should a disaster strike.
I have decided to extort money from adult productions.
The commonly-believed creation myth of the adult industry is that in the late sixties people from San Francisco and New York started making erotic films and eventually the Mob got involved. Over time, the Mafia installed various entities as studio heads and distribution honchos to make the industry a vertically-aligned money-printing venture with an invisible five-family backbone.
This, of course, is ridiculous. I and my Armenian backers started the adult industry about 18 months ago in a small Glendale laboratory. But people believe what they want to believe.
Anyway, my extortion scheme would follow a very simple route:
1. Convince a young company that I have championed them among my connected contacts in the adult industry.
2. Insinuate myself into the production in a minor role.
3. Require that my pay be kept under the table. Because I have been instrumental in making the production happen, this would be a small thing to ask.
4. Treat the production job as a sinecure and only make token appearances to yell at underlings and talent. Fail to do any other work.
5. Ply various crew members with cocaine to keep them on my side.
6. Show up on set to pick up an envelope of cash.
This might work.
ya Im pretty sure that position has been filled