I mean, do I have to think of everything?
Anyway, this is the sort of e-mail I get.
The following is a press release reprinted without edits to enlighten non-adult industry readers about how the porn business talks about itself. It was written by an adult industry marketing professional.
Spontaneous Orgy Breaks Out on Set of Three Stooges XXX; Crew Members Shocked
(Hollywood, CA) An unscripted unplanned spontaneous orgy broke out on the set of Three Stooges XXX during the final hours of filming at a San Fernando Valley studio shocking crew members who couldn’t believe what they were witnessing.
“I’ve been working on adult movie sets a long time but I’ve never seen anything like this,” stated Big Sean who was a gaffer on director Will Ryder’s crew.
The hilarious and very sexual parody movie about the antics of The Three Stooges will be in stores April 17th from Will Ryder Productions just in time for the mainstream Hollywood release of the Farrelly Brothers movie about the Three Stooges but things like spontaneous orgies normally don’t happen on porn sets especially at two o’clock in the morning.
“It was a very long day and I thought the cast was extremely tired considering it was quite late,” Ryder recalled.
“We were waiting on Tanner Mayes to arrive and were about to shoot a boy/girl sex scene on a big living room mansion set followed by a climactic dialogue scene when one thing led to another and before I knew it, the entire cast started to get-it-on with each other.”
“At first I didn’t know what to make of it and I almost stopped everybody but I kept my mouth shut because I could see that the cast was really horny. The boy/girl sex scene turned into a ten person orgy of soothing oral pleasure and intoxicating intercourse. It was absolutely amazing.”
Among the participants was newcomer Callie Cyprus who Ryder describes as “a piece of sexual perfection.” Cyprus easily had sex with a variety of porn studs and pretty girls who made love with the brunette beauty giving her an intense on-screen orgasm.
“Will Ryder asked me after if I really came or was I faking it and I told him I couldn’t have faked that. My legs were trembling,” Callie Cyprus remarked.
“I could barely hold my camera steady because it was so hot and the girls were having sex because they wanted to,” Ryder recalled.
Joining Callie Cyprus was the pretty and very willing blond Mandy Armani, the sexy and eager-to-please Bailey Blue, blond teen newcomer Britney Young and the return of Danica Dillon getting plowed by Anthony Rosano, Evan Stone, Dick Chibbles, and Chad Diamond.
“I was half expecting our photographer to put his camera down and join in but thank God he didn’t. Chris Charming luckily had already left for the day otherwise he might have impaled a few of the new girls on his twelve inches causing injury or psychiatric trauma.”
The storyline could be mistaken for one of the old Three Stooges Columbia Pictures famous shorts that played in movie theaters back in the late 1930s. The stooges are unemployed so their girlfriends refuse to have sex with them until they find jobs. Desperately horny, they try anything to find work and end up in wild sexual situations with gorgeous girls. The story and look of the movie is a picture-perfect parody of The Three Stooges but the orgy definitely was not.
“I loved everything about this movie,” Callie Cyprus said. “I know I’m new and all that but everybody was so cool and I love getting fucked so it really felt good.”
Three Stooges XXX is a parody and Columbia Pictures, MGM, Screen Gems, Normandy Productions, Norman Maurer Productions, C3, ABC Television, Sony Pictures Television, Sony Pictures Home Entertainment, 20th Century Fox, the Farrelly Brothers, or the producers or directors of classic episodes including Jules White, Preston Black, Charly Chase or their survivors in no way authorize, endorse or sponsor this XXX movie especially the orgy scene.
James Bartholet was busy in the basement fixing the mansion’s plumbing and missed the entire orgy. “What the fuck just happened?”
The first movie trailer featuring the fun antics of The Three Stooges XXX will be released on March 27th and the DVD will be in stores April 17th from Will Ryder Productions.
For other Will Ryder directed movies check out www.sitcums.com
Previously on Porn Valley Observed: Bartholet on Porn Acting; “Not Pan-Am” flies the recycled skies; Tanner Mayes won’t fight nature
“We were waiting on Tanner Mayes to arrive….”
From what I recall reading about Ms. Mayes, that part seems likely anyway.