I inspire so much pornography that sometimes I forget about the films I’m actually in, but I need to tell you about a little movie called “Pretty Lady,” which had a story worthy of a big budget Hollywood production!
Here’s the pitch: Rough-around-the-edges-but-America’s-Sweetheart Hollywood hooker Gracie Glam is hired for a week by dashing businessman Manuel Ferrara and they fall in love. Let’s call it “Pretty Lady”!
Cynics say that Porn Valley has nothing to offer Hollywood, but I would march right up to the American Film Institute with this movie in my hand—containing my own dazzling performance as Ferrara’s best buddy—and say them Nay: the plot of “Pretty Lady” is pure gold, and I am shocked that Hollywood hasn’t already made a delightful romantic comedy out of it.
But lest you think the script is frothy, consider this plot point: Even though hooker Gracie Glam has agreed to be Manuel Ferrara’s escort for the week, she is sorely put out when he tells the weasely hotel manager of their business arrangement.
“Do you like humiliating women?” Gracie says. “Is this some kind of game? Now I know why your girlfriend dumped you.”
Where the fuck did that come from? You might ask. Is this woman batshit insane? I hope this character isn’t drawn from real life!
No one is arguing the absolute necessity of hired companions, but Glam seems to be the only one who has a problem with it.
Poor slob Ferrara doesn’t see what the big deal is—all he did was politely refer to her as a “hired companion.” But Glam has come unglued, and lectures him.
“It never used to bother me, people knowing what I did,” she says. “It’s not like I try to hide it; I guess you just caught me off guard. It’s the world’s oldest profession. Courtesans used to be considered really upper class—almost royalty.”
It is a testament to Glam that Ferrara still wants to put his dick in her after this pointless monologue. Could he have paid her handsomely to leave, or did he fear that she would tear the place down?
She is a complex creature; you’d think that if she had done all that reading, why hadn’t she become used to the classy joints Ferrara brings her? And what happened to women owning their sexual choices? This isn’t some Julia Roberts movie from 1990.
I wrote several stories about the filming of this movie last year when I was invited to the set. At the time cast and crew were referring to the project as “Pretty Woman.” I like the name change, though: “Woman” seems almost clinical, and suggests that she is pretty despite the fact she is a woman. “Lady” foreshadows the character arc of Gracie Glam from street girl to elegant sophisticate.
Annie Cruz plays Glam’s best friend like a young Laura San Giacomo. Oscar bait!
But that’s small potatoes compared to the AVN award. Not only do I think I could give the great Bartholet a run for his money in my nuanced performance (actually, all the performances are nuanced in that both the sound and lighting are very European) for which I was paid $200, but viewers are also treated to an uncredited cameo by Kiki D’aire as Hotel Receptionist.
Studio Sweet Sinner promises “Classic Stories, Real Passion, Real Sex, Real Orgasms” and who are you to deny that that is exactly what you saw? The rest of the porn world is satisfied with only men having real orgasms, but not Sweet Sinner. This movie should sweep all the award shows next year.
But beyond this original story that bucks the trend of parody ripoffs, “Pretty Lady” packs a positive message for anyone trying as best as she can to justify herself to herself.
“There’s nothing wrong with what you do,” Ferrara tells Glam. “Don’t let anyone make you feel ashamed. You’re smart and funny and real.”
From the boxcover:
Sweet Sinema is dedicated to go beyond the usual porn parodies, and to honor great erotic cinema by making faithful remakes for the adult world.
In Pretty Lady, Gracie Glam stars as a sweet street girl who lands the client of a lifetime: handsome but brooding Manuel Ferrara. She’s eager to please, but he insists on maintaining just the charade of companionship. Will their agreement turn to into something more? [sic] What does gorgeous Gracie need to do to earn his trust?
- Buy “Pretty Lady” here
Previously on Porn Valley Observed: Words with Hookers; Bartholet on Acting; Gracie Glam in a tub, Carmen Luvana in pigtails, crackers in my mouth