Proof: Ron Jeremy talks rum, Milton Berle [video]

El Ron de Jeremy

I’ll be the first to admit that I shouldn’t interview people while drunk, but an odd mix of events found me at a North Hollywood home for visiting porn actresses, and it was important that I ask Ron Jeremy about his new rum, which I’d consumed an awful lot of.

Ron Jeremy was one of maybe one porn actors who I knew before I embarked on a career writing about porn. Since then I (and you) have seen him everywhere, in any filmed entertainment that needs a certain essence.

Despite having exactly the type of crossover celebrity (and financial success) most porn performers aspire to, Jeremy has never disavowed the porn industry and has remained accessible, so that’s why his entourage is always eclectic, his portfolio vast, and his stories intriguing.

After the success of “Ron Jeremy: The Hardest (Working) Man in Showbiz,” Jeremy has gone on to endorse everything from barbecue sauce to beef jerky. But now a Finnish company has teamed with a Panamanian molasses concern to create the 94-proof Ron de Jeremy rum.

It’s really good.

I talked with sales manager Joseph Kritzik of One-Eyed Spirits.

“There’s a limited group of people we could approach,” he says. “Charles Barkley? Dennis Rodman? There had to be a name that fit a certain groove…”

“…of financially secure debauchery…”

“…that would appeal to 21-to-30-year-old men,” he says. “And it turns out ‘Ron’ means ‘rum’ in Spanish.”

“Ron de Perlman got the shit end of the alphabet that day.”

But Jeremy is the best possible pitchman for a product like this, and no audience is too small. In the same way Jeremy can auto-fellate, he can also be the highlight of any gathering, just like the fortune cookies said.

It made me think of Milton Berle, another beloved Jewish entertainer who had a huge schlong.

Humor me through this interview, because it really pays off at the end.

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Previously on Porn Valley Observed: Sunny’s Flying Pink Pig—filling may be hot;
See also: Ron de Jeremy rum

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