Seeking the Right Kind of Revenge Porn for Thomas Bagley

If it was legal for Thomas Bagley, Duke freshman, Phi Delta Theta pledge, and Computer Sciences and Mathematics double major to out his classmate as porn star Belle Knox, I’m looking forward to seeing how the world of porn, sex worker allies, and thoughtful people legally turn the tables on him. Here’s a consumer of the site FacialAbuse who — according to Knox — despite promising her not to share her identity when he realized the woman he was masturbating to was also his classmate, did the opposite. Now she’s famous.

I sought out Mike Kulich in a facebook post, and he took it from there.

Kulich is the owner of Monarchy Distribution and Skweez Media. He is the Pride of Westport, CT. He also gets a lot of digital ink and web traffic for sending porn offers to people in the news, like the woman whose name I’ve forgotten who’s suing her parents, the woman whose name I’ve forgotten who got sexts from Anthony Weiner, the woman whose name I’ve forgotten who made an AIDS joke about Africa, and Amanda Knox. He’ll offer them cash to film some sex act representative of their brief fame, the Huffington Post will write about it, and he will slowly but surely come to represent either the plucky spirit of American entrepreneurship or everything that’s wrong with this country. Oh, and also: The Jews. Sometimes I find what he does unsavory, but I can’t help liking Mike.

So when Thomas Bagley did what he did, I wondered if the likes of Kulich, with his media skills, might orchestrate some reverse revenge porn.

There are laws, born of need, that the framers of our Constitution likely never considered. Still, they were a bunch of smart guys, and I like to think they could be brought up to speed quickly when their brains are unfrozen from Cryo-Sleep at Sublevel 23 of the National Archives. There’s the Stalkerazzi law, of course, but then there’s the Revenge Porn law, which criminalizes releasing pornographic images of an ex.

Navigating fluidly right between these two barriers, Kulich sent an open letter to Bagley:

Monarchy CEO Mike Kulich Pens Open Letter to Thomas Bagley, Student Who Outed Duke Pornstar Belle Knox

Dear Mr. Bagley,

First off, I would like to thank you for being such a fan of our business. For someone who subscribes to a site like Facial Abuse I want to commend you for spending the $200 a week your parents send you every week for living expenses wisely. Facial Abuse is a great site! There is nothing like watching a new girl getting a huge cock viciously rammed down her throat. I like your taste!

I want to also commend you on getting accepted into Duke. Great school! I am sure your parents are proud. I bet you pull straight A’s when you’re not whacking it to Facial Abuse and Casting Couch movies. I love our fans and I love you! You are the type of guy that makes our business move.

With that I would like to make you an offer. As I sit here in my office at 6:30 on a Wednesday night I am writing a check for $10,000 to pay to the order of Thomas Bagley. I want to give you the opportunity to live out all your fantasies. In addition to that 10K, there is a plane ticket and hotel room with your name on it out here in sunny Los Angeles. Screw the polar vortex. Get your ass out and come shoot for us! I will give you the opportunity to bang ANY porn star you want. We will make you a celebrity because it is apparent how much you love porn and attention.

10 Grand is a lot of money for a kid like you. Do you know how many porn memberships you could buy with that? That is more than a lifetime membership to Facial Abuse!

I ask that you seriously consider our offer. Any girl you want! Come out to LA and become a star. ALSO, for every inch you are packing over 4, I will throw in an EXTRA $1,000. Get your tiny pecker out here and become the next Ron Jeremy kiddo!

All my best,

Mike Kulich
CEO
Monarchy Distribution
15303 Ventura Blvd
9th Floor
Sherman Oaks, CA 91403

Of course Bagley won’t do it (and neither, thank God, did Amanda Knox), but this is the type of flash-in-the-pan campaign that puts into perspective where shame should really be placed.

Privacy meant something different to my parents than it does to me, and what it means to my kids fills me with terror. But one thing is certain: the type of person who invades privacy is himself most vulnerable to it. I hope that the context of Bagley’s bout of mean-spiritedness doesn’t get in the way of the fact that it was an act of pettiness, disloyalty, and disingenuousness that doesn’t have a place in an academic institution or the workplace.

(Or, come to think of it, in Phi Delta Theta, in whose brothers Pledge Bagley confided his Facial Abuse fixation, and which prides itself on beings “the pinnacle of fraternal and professional societies, centered on the potential of each brother, the unquenchable thirst for personal development and the lifelong values of friendship, sound learning and rectitude.)

Kulich shared with me his dream for Thomas Bagley: Porn Star.

“[If] he can shame girls for doing porn,” Kulich says. “I can shame him for watching it.”