[review] The Reason No One Buys Clothing from “La Boutique” Is Because People Keep Having Sex on Them

There’s a lady in my neighborhood I’ve grown friendly with. I’ll pass her hair salon on the way to the coffee shop. One day last year she said, “Hey, you should let me cut your hair!” and so, about a week later, I did. It came out pretty bad.

I let it grow out and eventually found a good barber in Burbank. That dude knows what I need and there’s no bullshit about it. But the salon lady and I don’t talk anymore; she sees my hair getting longer and doesn’t say anything. It is a scar on our relationship, as if she ran over my favorite pet two days after moving in.

This is exactly the plot of Digital Playground’s “La Boutique.”

boutique17Studio:Digital Playground
Director: Robby D.
Starring: Kayden Kross, Manuel Ferrara, Selena Rose, Mick Blue, Aleksa Nicole, Tasha Reign, Karlo Karrera, Johnny Sins

I don’t read other people’s porn reviews, because it’s like sleeping on dubious sheets. But I did look at the boxcover copy of Digital Playground’s “La Boutique,” and it provided an excellent summary, complete with italics:

Manuel Ferrara owns a small lingerie store that’s having a tough time turning profits. His partner and fiance, Tasha Reign is spending more money than they are making. His employee Selena Rose, is more interested in texting and self pics than anything else. Tasha decides to sell her half of the store. After an incredible sex session with her husband, Mick Blue, beautiful Kayden Kross steps in to buy Sasha‘s half. Later, Manuel catches Sasha with her side screw Johnny Sins in a heated backroom banging! Kayden starts work at the store and is surprised to find Selena getting dirty in the dressing room with Karlo Karerra. Selena is fired and in a scheme to get even, her and her hot girlfriend Aleska Nicole hook up with Kayden‘s husband in a hardcore three-way. Kayden catches the infidelity and spends the night at the store alone. Newly single, Kayden and Manuel allow themselves to express their passion in a sex filled escapade.

You’re right, Manwin-generated boxcover copy: this is exactly the way it happened. Yet it doesn’t capture the bitchiness of texting underling Selena Rose, the hard-profiled venality of petulant wife Tasha Reign, the Fantastic Four’s Thingishness of Karlo Karrera, or the ethical defensibility of Kayden Kross‘s end-of-movie tryst with Ferrara.


Nor does it say anything about the work Kross put into that perfect porn body to make her movements look so effortless, or the vocalizations she emits during sex:

Shhh Shhhh!
Doot Doot Doot
Wylo Wylo Wylo

There simply isn’t enough space on the box.

“La Boutique” may be formulaic, but it’s a solid formula, full of personality and definite character choices. We feel sad for Manuel (although I can’t see why, come to think of it), angry with Selena and Tasha, and happy for poor, lithe Kayden.

Who knows if Kayden will be able to turn that store around? All we know now is that sex is pretty much the answer to everything, and fixes all the problems it creates.

On a deeper level, “La Boutique” is a canny metaphor for porn piracy. Like the boutique itself, in which nothing is actually sold, tube sites don’t traffic in quality but actually traffic in traffic, and there’s a lot of traffic in that store.

Buy “La Boutique” here

Previously on Porn Valley Observed: “Skip Trace 2? is both a good movie and a pleasing anagrammatical alternative to the horrifying “Rape 2 Ticks”
See also: Digital Playground

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Gram Ponante is America's Beloved Porn Journalist

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