Rocco Siffredi will squeeze your breasts painfully if you don’t wear a hat

Often in relationships we choose to ignore certain signs. We want things to be one way, so we choose not to look at the elements that would prove us wrong. As Tom Petty puts it, “You believe what you want to believe.”

383044The cover of Rocco Siffredi’s “Psycho Teens 4” examines what happens when those warnings go unheeded.

During the cover shoot planning meeting at Rocco’s compound outside of Prague, Siffredi presented the following information from that month’s Psychology Today.

“It says that the only way to keep Interstellar Beings from entering our skulls is to wear hats if you are female or sunglasses if you are male,” Siffredi said. “And you see, I have already purchased sunglasses.”

“What if one is transgendered or doesn’t identify heteronormatively?” asked Jiz Lee, who had parachuted in.

“How did you get in here?” asked Siffredi’s bodyguard, former French president Nicolas Sarkozy, dressed in ceremonial Roman armor, complete with plume.

“You mean ‘How did they get in here?'” Lee said, disappearing through a portal.

“Regardless,” said Siffredi, handing out a series of hats, “wear these or you will go irretrievably insane.”

In a world where rules are there for a reason, it is the insane that refuse to follow them. So while it is understandable for the casual porn consumer to say, “Oh, these teens are psycho because they’re wearing funny or otherwise decorative but impractical hats,” the head-clad teens are the ones who—along with Siffredi—are protected from alien cranial infiltration.

As the photographer skewed the headgear just so, telling the frontmost models to pose as if it were Passover and the Afikomen had been found hidden in someone’s ass, a hatless woman entered.

But it was too late. As Hungarians are justifiably frightened of digital technology, running water, and the wheel, the photographer had already initiated the lengthy camera obscura exposure process, letting in the sun and killing several of the vampires Siffredi keeps as pets.

Thinking quickly, Siffredi grabbed the woman roughly by the breasts, delivering a powerful, immobilizing epidural with his penis.

Because she was there, Siffredi fucked her anyway, making sure to keep his sunglasses on.

“The beings I’m going to drop on you are decidedly terrestrial,” he said.

Buy “Psycho Teens 4” here.

Previously on Porn Valley Observed: Beyond stripperdom with Brooklyn Lee
See also: Evil Angel

About Gram the Man 4399 Articles
Gram Ponante is America's Beloved Porn Journalist

Be the first to comment

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.