Satine Phoenix, an artist who left the porn world two years ago and is now a fixture in the fantasy art/gamer scene, sent a public message to her father, a man she says sexually abused her for nine years.
First published as a Facebook post, “Happy Birthday Dad: my father is a child molester” left Phoenix’s friends surprised, deeply sorry for what she went through, and proud of her resolve. Phoenix, now 32, says her father molested her from the time she was eight, that he was never brought to justice, and that her family mostly looked the other way.
Her father’s birthday is November 15.
“I know I need to process my experiences and talk about them so I chose to do so when it hurts me the most: on his birthday,” she told me. “Knowing he celebrates his birthday as a free man, unpunished, kills me inside.”
It is a shocking revelation to many who have met the vital Phoenix, and to thousands more fans who know her from L.A.’s Meltdown Comics, Comic-Con, and her popular Youtube drawing tutorials: Monster Maidens.
But what about fans of Phoenix’s porn work? Shouldn’t we have arrived at a point where this horrible news should be surprising to porn fans, too?
I reprint Phoenix’s story with her permission. Following her post is our interview.
Happy Birthday Dad: my father is a child molester.
Thursday is my father’s birthday. I wish I could celebrate my parents like most of the world does. I can’t however because my father, Kevin Morgan Sorbello, Chief Engineer in the Merchant Marines, is a child molester. He abused me for almost 10 years. From 8-17. 1988-1997. His birthday is November 15 and i allow this time every year to mourn the child in me he destroyed.
He didn’t do it just once. He did it over and over whenever he was in town. In front of my family under blankets. On family trips. Camping, road trips. I had no idea it was wrong for so many years. Once I told a friend and she told someone else who ended up trying to use the information against me in junior high but our teacher was told and he told the school councilor who told the authorities. They talked to my grandmother and my mother and just as they were going to convict my father my mother took me aside and told me that if I charged him “I” would end up ruining my family.
Not wanting to hurt my family I dropped the charges…. And continued being pressured into having sex with my father for years afterward. I just gave up. I let it happen because it didn’t matter anymore. No one cared about me enough to protect me. So at least if he was hurting me he wouldn’t be hurting my brother or sister… Except when I got a car I stopped being home and he proceeded to be a predator to my sister. This Man, this naval officer, this man who volunteered his evenings teaching 5th graders advanced algebra, this cub scout leader, this Free Mason, this Shriner…. Is a serial child molester/rapist… Who tried to convince me at 8 years old I was his special lover. This Man, this coward, this narcissist has been walking free all over the world. Never convicted.
He talked his way out of court when my sister took him to court. With an IQ of 180+ he fools everyone with his charm but don’t be fooled, he is the same monster he always was. Telling me secrets he learned at the War College in Rhode Island in 1998/99… I didn’t shake him from my life until 2002. He had paid me $1400/month to keep my mouth shut and not tell anyone anything. So I became a stripper and once I could make up what he was paying me on my own I told him to get lost. And have never talked to him again.
The problem is that he interacts with all of my family while I have been the one that ran away from my family in order to get away from him. Why didn’t my family shut him out? Why was I shut out? Because he pays for everything. He throws money around and throws his charm and smile around. It is unbelievable that he is walking free. 9 years of being hurt by this man… Nobody cares! How is that even possible? I can’t afford a lawyer to put him away. And he gets to see and hug my baby cousins and nieces and nephews and I just hear about it and it just sounds absurd! Why does he get to breathe freedom? He haunts me daily. Doesn’t even pay for my therapy… And he just does what he wants. Like nothing ever happened. Never even said he was sorry!
People go to jail for having marijuana on them and this man, this monster of a man who abused an 8 year old girl DAILY, over and over and over for years and years, THIS guy gets to walk free. Something is wrong with our system. Suddenly something is wrong with me for becoming a stripper and a porn star.
It’s actually a very obvious progression I couldn’t break until I was 28/29. Only then could I realize why I was doing what I was doing.
Maybe if I tell my truth one day someone will put him away and make him face and pay for his crimes. Maybe the awareness and admission of the truth from my family is all I need. It all is just so unfair. I look at my beautiful 7 year old niece and fall apart. Looking at how small she is and optimistic and alive and realizing that my father looked at me that way at about my current age and just wanted to fuck. What the fuck! That is so outstandingly wrong on a million different levels! And THiS guy gets to walk free!?! Why the fuck do I even bother with this world sometimes!?! When does justice really happen?
He never even said he was sorry.
Gram: May I reprint your letter? I think that many people easily dismiss adult stars, and think their history is apparent, when it isn’t. Everything is more complicated than people choose to believe, and I think sharing this could help.
Satine: That is exactly my plan of attack on him. Tell the world so he has nowhere to hide. The more people repost the closer to justice I’ll get. Telling the world that the statute of limitations is up for even a crime this audacious is also on the agenda.
Gram: Sexual abuse tends to be part of the narrative the world tells itself about porn stars.
Satine: My getting into porn was obviously a subconscious reaction to my past. Being able to control what—and who—I did things with was very important. Obviously that wasn’t always the case the longer I was in porn, but that was the intention.
Gram: Some performers say that porn was therapeutic in that way.
Satine: Porn didn’t help me sort through the abuse, but it did give me some grounding and helped me learn—the scenic route—about boundaries; what I’m OK with and what I’m not OK with. What I do to please others and what I should do for myself. My personal exploration of self lead me out of porn.
Gram: Why tell this story now?
Satine: I know I need to process my experiences and talk about them so I chose to do so when it hurts me the most: on his birthday. Knowing he celebrates his birthday as a free man, unpunished, kills me inside. I’m tired of being polite socially about it. Tired of protecting my family from it. The truth is brutal but needs to be addressed in order to get the justice deserved. When all of this happened it did so in a time without instant social media. People could hide easier and get away with more because the outreach was shallow. The more people know about Kevin Morgan Sorbello the less he will be able to hide. He hurt me for nine years over and over, starting 24 years ago. That kind of crime is very specific. The lasting effects and post-traumatic stress is unfathomable. As an adult I just want to see justice. Also to let others know our society will no longer hide people like this. As a community we will stand up with and for each other so this doesn’t happen anymore and if it does give others the strength to name their offender.
Gram: Thank you, Satine. Now let’s look at some art.
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