Shall I eat A. Peach? or: The Love Song of Mandingo

There is a porn performer named Mandingo whose cock happens to be huge. Consumer demand for easily-defined contrasts being what it is, Porn Central Casting paired Mr. Mandingo with Amber Peach, whose vagina happens to be small.

As is my wont, I was interviewed by Cosmopolitan this week about labiaplasty, and I was asked about porn vaginas. (Alas, Wikipedia’s image for labiaplasty didn’t offer an enlarged version. You could just hear the Internet saying, “Darn.”)

“The only person whose vagina I can remember is that of Amber Peach,” I said. “Because men are so goal-oriented that they concentrate on the direction signs (face, breasts, hips, ass) so that, by the time they get to the vagina, they just know they’re going in.”

(I was asked if porn moguls consider cosmetic vaginal surgery for potential contract stars and I said their consideration stops at boob jobs and potentially-litigious former boyfriends and employers.)

Anyway, Mandingo doesn’t whisper sweet nothings to the delightful Miss Peach, nor does he kiss her or recite poetry. He doesn’t take her to see “Cats.”

What he does do is fuck her to the point that she must have walked like

a pair of ragged claws
Scuttling across the floors of silent seas
  • Buy “These White Girls Are Taking Mandingo” here

Previously on Porn Valley Observed: The Famous Vagina of Amber Peach; “Wonderland”
See also: The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock, Amber Peach

3 thoughts on “Shall I eat A. Peach? or: The Love Song of Mandingo

  1. I didn’t think I could love Gram any more, but now that he’s interviewed by the mainstream “Enemy of Feminism,” thereby infiltrating this grocery store rag and hopefully opening some young minds, I love him more.

    I hope you told them where they could stick their labiaplasty!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *