Singing "War Pigs" at karaoke will not get you laid

…unless you’re female, and then you might as well throw in the whole “Paranoid” album.

Last night’s Porn Star Karaoke featured exactly two actual porn performers, Lynn LeMay and Hailey Young. LeMay sponsored the evening, giving away copies of her new movie Phoenix: Risen from the Ashes (which is what the phoenix does; LeMay might have added a twist with the whole having sex angle), but PSKs have grown more and more like Below the Line Porn Employee Karaoke, or like the Algonquin Round Table with LeMay and Young providing the occasional Harpo.

LeMay blamed the lack of porn stars on the hors d’ouevres at the Digital Playground party the other night. “Everybody got sick,” she said. I had some of the hors d’ouevres, but as you know my constitution is solid like God’s love for the world.

The Original Roy Karch asked, “Who took the porn out of Porn Star Karaoke? And you can quote me on that.”

“OK.”

“You can quote me.”

The evening was so devoid of actual porn talent that I was allowed to sing. I interpreted “Shock the Monkey” in my trademark erotic style. Someone else sang “War Pigs”. There’s nothing to whip the ladies into a froth like “Death and hatred to mankind/Poisoning their brainwashed mind/Oh Lord yeah.”

PSK ebbs and flows, and it will probably pick up again, at least in terms of a porn star quotient, as companies begin shooting again. Sardo’s recently won an award for Best Karaoke Bar of 2006 (or something similar) so it’s not like there weren’t plenty of people there.

I talked with a guy from New Jersey who had wandered in. He said that he was amazed how many beautiful women were there. I admitted that yes, there were, not adding that he should have seen the place six months ago. He recognized Lynn LeMay but couldn’t remember her name.

He said that he worked for the company that bounces digital content into cinemas from a satellite.

“We have a substation in Chatsworth,” he said.

“Are you the guys George Lucas used to ram $100k upgrades down theatre owners’ throats in order to get the Star Wars prequels?” I asked.

“Yes,” he said.

“You people are the real pornographers,” I said.

Previously: “Obviously, Doctor, you’ve never been a non-exclusive contract star.”; It’s all over when I go out drinking
See also: Sardo’s