As you are doubtless aware, the American Porno Industrial Complex must adapt to survive, thus the need to hitch adult material to the wagons of other popular entertainment, such as rodeos, 1930′s hobo nostalgia, or alternate titles for “Punky Brewster.”
Mike Adriano’s blowjob POV epic “Slurpy Throatsluts” manages to associate itself with all three.
When the box from Evil Angel arrived at Gram Ponante Towers, Crematorium, Velodrome, Centrifuge, & Self-Storage Facility, I instinctively reached for my 2012 Pro Rodeo Clown Association directory (a handbook very much like the adult industry directories the trade magazines used to try to sell people, except useful).
“I imagine this Slurpy Throatsluts is an amazing rodeo clown and barrelman in the Mark Swingler, Mike Jayhurst, or Lecile Harris tradition,” I said, thinking about the cattle drive I have coming up from Big Piney to Cheyenne. “Be good to have old Slurpy Throatsluts on the range with me when the dogies retire; things do get powerful lonesome.”
I also couldn’t help but think of my family’s flight across the American Southwest when the dust destroyed our crop and the banks took our farm. While my brother, Tom Load, stood up for workers’ rights and my sister breastfed anyone who asked, the rest of us took what comfort we could in the mournful harmonica solos and bean recipes of Old Slurpy Throatsluts, philosopher hobo of the Santa Fe.
Or might Slurpy Throatsluts have been the discarded title for one of several amusements centered around impish orphan girls, like “Curly Sue” and “Punky Brewster”? I could just imagine George Gaynes or Jim Belushi staring lovingly at Slurpy Throatsluts when the latter did something destructive yet adorable.
But I was wrong on each count, which hardly ever happens.
No, “Slurpy Throatsluts” is a porn movie featuring the likes of Paige Turnah (not a Bob Seger song), Adrianna Luna, Lily Labeau, Allie James, Lily Carter, Jayden Jaymes, and Riley Reid. Go figure.
- Buy “Slurpy Throatsluts” here.
Previously on Porn Valley Observed: Rodney King—”Can’t we all stop asseating?”; Lily Carter, just because (back when she was girls only); “Rolls-Royce of condoms” for the skull-conscious douchebag
See also: Evil Angel
Gram Ponante is America's Beloved Porn Journalist
While I was shopping for fresh veg at the coop today here in beautiful Minneapolis, there was a dazzling array of beautiful young ladies doing the same, and I couldn’t help but to look at the most winsome of the bunch and think to myself “Would she consent to being labeled as one of the ‘Slurpy Throatsluts’?
I’ll be considering this theme when next I ejaculate. Thanks, I think.
I originally read that as “fresh vag.”