Someone Needs To Create An Ass Boil Acceptance And Empowerment Awards, Stat

Believe you me, I think it’s wonderful that women who, ten years ago, would have never been welcome on a porn set are now proudly letting it all hang out for a growing fan base that may or may not consist entirely of women who already look like them saying “You Go Girl!”

“‘——’ women are sexy too!” they say, defiant and proud. “We need to take back America’s concept of sexiness from women who are generally agreed upon as sexy. Those cookie cutter bitches!”

That is why it is high time some high-minded organization launches the Ass Boil Acceptance And Empowerment Awards, because women who have ass boils deserve representation in pornography, having struggled so long to gain a foothold at the DMV.

In my conversations with porn stars and their porn performer underlings, we are all really impressed (and perhaps a little scared) about the comprehensive knowledge possessed by their fans. Each performer I’ve talked with says her fans know more about her movies than she does, and will often ask her very specific questions about scenes and movies she has no recollection of shooting. Their fans, these performers say, know all about everything.

That said, I won’t tell you which movie these pictures are from or who the performer is; doubtless a superfan already knows. I’ll just say it’s an all-girl flick and that one of the performers has been famous for years and the one with the ass boil/birthmark/nether portal is someone who is very regal and attractive on the other 98 percent of her body that doesn’t include an horrifying ass boil.

When Bill Margold hosts the 2014 Ass Boil Acceptance And Empowerment Awards at West Covina Lanes, this performer should win the coveted Pioneer Award. After all, he’ll say at length, if it weren’t for her brave expression of her sexuality in this movie, the world may never have been gifted with the 75-installment “Cream On My Ass Boil” series.