Studio: Loaded Digital
Director: Anton Slayer
Cast: Gina Lynn, Eva Angelina, Dani Woodward, Marco Banderas, Bella Starr, Celeste Starr, Shawna Lenee, Cherokee, Lee Stone
The boxcover and packaging of Loaded Digital’s Surrender the Booty 3: The Search for More Arse – in fact, even the title of Loaded Digital’s Surrender the Booty 3: The Search for More Arse – seem to have required more concentration on the part of producers than the actual movie did.
Kudos to Loaded Digital for making what amounts to porn’s version of Scary Movie 3. If Scary Movie was a ripoff of Scream, and Scream was a ripoff of slasher movies, then the Surrender the Booty series is a ripoff of Pirates which is a ripoff of Pirates of the Caribbean which is a ripoff of a Disneyland ride.
I guess to be a true comparison with Pirates there needs to be one more iteration, like if Surrender the Booty were made into a ride at a Playspace within the Chatsworth McDonalds.
Full disclosure: I think I even ripped off my own review by writing the above.
Regardless, there is hardly any dialogue in this movie, save for a Behind the Scenes featurette in which we hear Cherokee’s alien voice, a voice no one would expect to come from someone like Cherokee. The beautiful Cherokee has a voice that made me think, “I am as surprised by that voice as if a mailbox started talking to me.” Rent this movie for this, if for no other reason.
The only indication that STB3 is a pirate movie is the presence of triangle hats, hairpieces, and various props (which is good enough), but the plot, such as it is, exists only on the boxcover copy:
Ahoy Mates! We embark on another erotic journey in search of more arse. And there be no better arse than Gina Lynn’s, as she makes men draw their sword and fence with the best of ’em. Also, Eva Angelina is back to show you once again why she is one hot, busty wench! After sailing the seven seas, Marco Banderas discovers a finer treasure at Shawna Lenee’s port. Celeste Star and Bella Starr give a stunning girl/girl performance as they dig each other for buried treasures. So, raise ye anchor, and get ready to blow your cannon! Arr!
Based on this, you’d think there was an actual story, right? Nope. There aren’t even the minimal setups you’d get in the lowest-rent Stoney Curtis gonzo movie. No, all that money went into the costumes and the box art.
And the girls. Everyone looks great in this movie, and that it took me this long to actually get to the girls indicates two things:
1. I am a lazy person preoccupied with other things.
2. Porn is really ONLY about girls, and everything else is playing dress-up, sometimes really expensively.
Cherokee, Eva Angelina, Gina Lynn, and Dani Woodward all look delicious in this movie, even if no one says a goddamn thing about treasure, mateys, parrots, or pirates in the whole movie. There is also a scene that involves a vibrator that looks like an ear of corn which, true to the movie’s mission of trying only as hard as it needed to, was not called an Arr! of corn.
Obviously a ploy to steal some shelf-space mojo from its more expensive Digital Playground counterpart, STB3 isn’t a better movie than Pirates 2 (or 1), but seven minutes in, the average viewer will have lost interest in the difference anyway. Then he will clean himself off and upload the movie to a torrent site.
Read my Pirates 2 review here.
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