“It says that the only way to keep Interstellar Beings from entering our skulls is to wear hats if you are female or sunglasses if you are male,” Siffredi said. “And you see, I have already purchased sunglasses.”

Porn boxcovers, according to the Journal of Fabricated Statistics, account for 87 percent of the reason people buy a particular DVD. Gram Ponante talks with the team behind Elegant Angel’s elegant boxcovers.

Putting a blowjob front and center on the cover of an anal movie suggests that women who give blowjobs also do anal, which is never a slam dunk.

Would you go to a summer barbecue with a porn movie and hand it to the host, saying, “Hey, this was pretty good; you should watch it”?

With all of Ms. Taylor’s significant holes and protuberances so close together, mightn’t the world explode?

This is like the Buca di Beppo of porn movies

I have seen Hustler’s “Busty Beauties: Top Shelf Titties” and I think it’s a winner, but Damn: If I didn’t get it for free, the whole Student Loan infrastructure would turn over in its grave if I shelled out cash for pornography with a spelling error on it.

So much better than “Filthy Fellating Fetuses.”

It’s important to learn how to read

I defy you to tell me why switching the boxcovers of “Gangbang Extreme Teens” and “Fuck the Babysitter” would make a damn bit of difference.

Maybe if I wear sunglasses, my wife won’t notice me watching Sean Michaels cock-drape her?

The boxcover for “Tosh Porn Oh” now conforms to the high standards porn audiences demand.

Sorry, Fellas: he’s married.

All the arachnids on Klendathu couldn’t convince me that Sophia Sutra’s pussy isn’t worth citizenship.