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Rocco Siffredi will squeeze your breasts painfully if you don’t wear a hat

February 19, 2013 Gram the Man 0

“It says that the only way to keep Interstellar Beings from entering our skulls is to wear hats if you are female or sunglasses if you are male,” Siffredi said. “And you see, I have already purchased sunglasses.”

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“Cleaning up the girls”: Elegant Angel’s elegant boxcovers

November 14, 2012 Gram the Man 1

Porn boxcovers, according to the Journal of Fabricated Statistics, account for 87 percent of the reason people buy a particular DVD. Gram Ponante talks with the team behind Elegant Angel’s elegant boxcovers.

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What’s Going On in This Picture? “Mom & Dad Are Fucking My Friends 9”

September 13, 2012 Gram the Man 2

Look at my fucking breasts! I, Victoria Puppy, am displaying them for you like they are cutlets for you to brush with oils and grill. What is so interesting my yellow panties? I have not stuck chocolates or rabbits down there for you to find.

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Wrong Hole, Right Idea or: The long road from fellatio to anal

August 15, 2012 Gram the Man 0

Putting a blowjob front and center on the cover of an anal movie suggests that women who give blowjobs also do anal, which is never a slam dunk.

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Alliteration Alert: “Teeny Tiny Thai Twigs 2”

July 29, 2012 Gram the Man 0

Would you go to a summer barbecue with a porn movie and hand it to the host, saying, “Hey, this was pretty good; you should watch it”?

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Boxcover of the Week: It’s all in the presentation

May 16, 2012 Gram the Man 0

It’s like the slave market in “Roots,” except they’re white Europeans and it’s an anus.

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Boxcover of the Week: Sexual Melancholia makes me think of bowling

May 8, 2012 Gram the Man 1

With all of Ms. Taylor’s significant holes and protuberances so close together, mightn’t the world explode?

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Boxcover of the Week: Bait And Increase

April 15, 2012 Gram the Man 0

This is like the Buca di Beppo of porn movies

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Boxcover of the Week: Unrequited

March 25, 2012 Gram the Man 1

I feel sorry for poor Europornstress Inna, here, whose devotion to Abby seems one-sided.

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Boxcover of the Week: Spelling at it’s not so greatest

February 5, 2012 Gram the Man 3

I have seen Hustler’s “Busty Beauties: Top Shelf Titties” and I think it’s a winner, but Damn: If I didn’t get it for free, the […]

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Boxcover of the Week: “Baby Loves A Big Dick” (Now with no babies)

January 29, 2012 Gram the Man 0

So much better than “Filthy Fellating Fetuses.”

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Boxcover of the Week: The Pussy Is Just A Diversion

January 22, 2012 Gram the Man 0

“I agree that there is a lot of pusssy, but surely that can’t be all that’s down here. Hold on—I’ll check.”

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The Shocking Truth about Why I Moved to Los Angeles

December 12, 2011 Gram the Man 2

It’s important to learn how to read

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Gangbang or get off the babysitter, but for Christ’s sake get your finger out of your mouth

November 29, 2011 Gram the Man 3

I defy you to tell me why switching the boxcovers of “Gangbang Extreme Teens” and “Fuck the Babysitter” would make a damn bit of difference.

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Boxcover of the Week: Eating Pussy with Your Eyes

November 8, 2011 Gram the Man 0

…because your tongue is occupied

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Boxcover of the Week: Anointing Baby Cakes

October 30, 2011 Gram the Man 0

Maybe if I wear sunglasses, my wife won’t notice me watching Sean Michaels cock-drape her?

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Evolution of a Porn Boxcover: “Tosh Porn Oh”

September 14, 2011 Gram the Man 0

The boxcover for “Tosh Porn Oh” now conforms to the high standards porn audiences demand.

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Boxcover of the Week: “French Farm Girls” meet Chinese Photoshop

July 28, 2011 Gram the Man 0

I imagine those Chinese county administrators would have had a much better time in France.

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Boxcover of the Week: Franks And Beans

July 17, 2011 Gram the Man 0

Sorry, Fellas: he’s married.

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Boxcover of the Week: Think Like the Bug

July 3, 2011 Gram the Man 0

All the arachnids on Klendathu couldn’t convince me that Sophia Sutra’s pussy isn’t worth citizenship.

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