Like the Second Amendment, most porn boxcovers are straightforward and don’t require expert interpretation. This is unfortunate, because my MacArthur Foundation grant was hustled secured for the very purpose of explaining Porn to a benighted public. But this one is puzzling. Hustler’s All Time Best XXX (anal edition) not only introduces yet another brand of [...]

I have been traveling the highways and byways of Porn Valley this week asking people just what they think a MILF is. I have yet to hear the same definition twice. In general, though, it is women who are the literalists and the men who tend to be a little more laissez faire in their [...]

Studio: Slave Labor ProductionsDirector: Paige WhiteCast: Lorelei Lee, Bella, Paige White, Hunter Rhodes I used to watch a lot of BDSM videos as part of my job and, once I didn’t have to review them, I stopped. My problem with them was less production value (fetish videos tend to have an air of San Francisco [...]

Here’s Gwen Diamond from the set of Black Dicks in White Chicks #14, also starring Sophie Dee and Adrianna Nicole. Right off, the question “What makes Diamond walk this way?” occurs, and the obvious answer would be “Why, Black Dick, of course.” But Diamond had not yet encountered Black Dick when this photo was taken. [...]

This image is the sexiest one in the entirety of the Kim Kardashian video, and it occurs about 30 seconds in. The dust is still settling on who made what amount of money from whom, but one can’t help but think of another Vivid star, Sunny Leone. I have been watching the “Debbie Does Dallas…Again” [...]

Paige Turner (get it?) stars in BadAss Pictures’ Virgin Patrol 3. Virgin Patrols, as you know, are a provision of the USA PATRIOT Act and are now being, as patrols always are, “stepped up”. Bob Seger wrote a song called “Turn the Page” which deals with the loneliness of the road-bound performer: Well, you walk [...]

Tera Patrick would have you believe that she also likes the yellow bikini, but then you go back and choose the red one and she says she likes that one, too. Which Tera can you believe?? Viewers of the InTERActive DVD, three years in the making, might then wonder if Tera is being straight with [...]

Studio: Hustler, TeravisionDirector: Quinn RobertsCast: Tera Patrick, Spyder Jonez, Jessica Jaymes, Hillary Scott, “Sammy” Portions of this review originally appeared on Fleshbot It’s not too early to call the best interactive title of 2007; it has to be InTERActive. With just enough humor, special guests, and plot to help out, Tera Patrick’s DVD makes the [...]

There was a little pool of Hailey Young and Felix Vicious on the bed in the back room

At a quiet ceremony by the Porn Valley Lake and Salmon Ladder this morning, Ben English, Peter North, and Sledge Hammer were given their “Super Cock” medals and insignia, which will allow them library book amnesty and single-occupant passage in otherwise-HOV lanes on the Ronald Reagan freeway. Previously: Can you hear the drums, Gazongas?; Porn [...]

Here are Lanny Barby and Hillary Scott from Vivid’s Burnt Fury. It is a measure of the brief time Scott has been in the business that even the Female Performer of the Year responded with some shame when I walked into the room. Barby, being Canadian, knew that what the two of them were doing [...]

Porn is so plentiful and ubiquitous that it is hard to make a decision where to spend your discretionary dollar. VCA makes it no easier with 18 And Easy (vol. 7). How do we distinguish this title from the Barely Legals? “Well, the box says these women are wholesome,” you might say. “But what about [...]

The problem of creatively naming porn movies – series in particular – is vast, and I have nothing but sympathy and a routing number for directly deposited checks for those company owners faced with this daunting task. Still, unless the likes of Kristina Monroe (pictured) and her friends are actually energized and fortified by an [...]

As you well know, a porn teen and an actual teen are rarely the same thing, but that is a problem that is too big for us to tackle. That is why we at Gram Ponante Towers, Rotisserie, Clambake, Crematorium, and Salmon Ladder are proud to announce the International MILF Registry, which will solve the [...]