There may be those who disagree with my calling Alexis Texas zaftig, as if I’m trying to call her fat, but I’m not. Zaftig means juicy, goddammit, and Texas is juicy.
Today in Porn Valley
The 2011 Ropey Volley Awards: Movies of the Year
Each year I recognize the people, movies, and events that made a difference to me in the porn world. These are the 2011 Ropey Volley Awards for Movies of the Year.
gallery
“Portrait of a Call Girl” has a lot to say
“Portrait of A Call Girl” is my favorite porn movie in a long time.
art
“Bush”: I’m starting to feel vertically integrated
What is it about Elegant Angel’s new “Bush” movie that makes me think of an American Apparel campaign to sell merkins?
gallery
Jayden Jaymes: Pleased to unleash you
Jayden Jaymes looks like the type of woman who, in the old country, people got in vendettas about.
contest
Tori Black: You Is My Plumber Now
“Ass-Out-of-Pants is a look perfected by plumbers, of course, but anyone can do it,” says GramPonante.com valet Loup Perch-Tounge. “The idea is to maintain plausible deniability. ‘Has my ass fallen out of my pants? Oh, I see it has.’”
gallery
Browneye vs. The Board of Masturbation: “Buttwoman vs. Slutwoman”
“It’s confusing, I know,” said Alexis Texas recently. “But(t) I became Buttwoman, I think, because that’s the first thing people notice about me.”
“Only from behind,” I said.
gallery
Drain Your Balls before Supper: “It’s A Mommy Thing! 5″
“Did you know that it’s unhealthy for you not to drain your balls?” asks Sky Taylor. Sadly, her appointment as Surgeon General was stalled.
events
The Extra-Virgin Ava Rose
I should probably dip my bread in Ava the next time I go to Papa Gino’s.
classic
The Ropey Volley Awards: Gram’s Dirty Dozen of 2009
In a very real way, all porn is good. But the following titles were better.
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Right up the middle with Alexis Texas
Alexis Texas proves that moderation is key in all things, particularly in haunch position. Take a look at The KLK, Texas, and Liliane Tiger and their respective ass positions in “Unseasoned Players,” “Buttwoman Returns,” and “Ass Fukt” and you will see that the savvy Texas neither sticks her ass high in the air nor makes [...]
business
Andre Madness: The Last Man Working in Porn
This is a business like any other. It’s what people not working in porn don’t seem to understand about it.
Uncategorized
What makes a MILF? A new wrinkle
We’ve talked about MILF definitions before, but I forget that my site currently lacks search capabilities, so new readers might not be apprised of the generous dollops of scholarship and opinion longtime readers have provided. There are many definitions of MILF and, while we strive for standardization, we must consider two important variables: Are we [...]
reviews
“Big Wet Asses” aren’t just about the big wet asses anymore
Precision is the enemy of grabbing as many handfuls of hot, greased women as possible.
reviews
Big Wet Asses 15
Studio: Elegant Angel Director: William H Cast: Gianna Michaels, Ava Rose, Mia Rose, Julia Ann, Kimberly Kane, Michael Stefano, Manuel Ferrara, James Deen, Mr. Pete “Careful, don’t split it,” says Gianna to Michael Stefano in her first anal scene. Gianna Michaels is one of those people whose pornic assets are as apparent and compelling no [...]
No wonder Sasha Grey can’t find her car
It’s because she has no place to put the remote. Unless… Previously: Sasha Grey’s moviesSee also: Elegant Angel
Name that ass
The asses in Elegant Angel’s Big Wet Asses 11 are so shiny that you’d expect Louis Gossett Jr. to bust Richard Gere for them (insert Mayo-naise joke here). I am not the biggest fan of the non-superficial areas of the ass myself, but these sure clean up well. Previously: Asses – this time they’re big [...]
Narcissism
Social Network Disease