The Porno Industrial Complex cuts its losses to blow wad on CFCM niche.
“We need to cast the perfect Xenude,” says Engram Ponante
In addition to closing National Park Service sites and furloughing federal employees, the government shutdown that went into effect this morning has closed the Fellatio Dog Program, which congressional Republicans call “the Blowjob Entitlement.”
Porn Valley is buzzing about its latest job-creating, money-making, creatively worthwhile, and altogether useful parody “To Kill A Mockingbird XXX,” starring Rob Black as Atticus, Diamond Kitty as Scout, Bruce Venture as Dill, and Kevin Moore as Boo Radley. In the 1962 film starring Gregory Peck, Scout and Dill dare Jem to peek into the…
“Some of these apple-picking girls fuck like the Wendigo is after them,” says Allie Haze. “They’re not scared of death.”
“It stands to reason that if there is a movie called ‘The True History of She-Male Cock’ that there have been false histories,” says historian Doris Kearns Goodwin
“It says that the only way to keep Interstellar Beings from entering our skulls is to wear hats if you are female or sunglasses if you are male,” Siffredi said. “And you see, I have already purchased sunglasses.”
“It’s not going to change anyone’s life, but (North Korea’s space program) is solid, (and) strokeable,” Ochs says.
“We had already been fielding media requests asking if the movie had been produced by pornographers,” bristles Loup Perch-Tounge of the Porn Valley Chamber of Commerce, “but we assured them our production value is much higher, especially with the 2008 collapse of altporn.”
A recent trip to the Adult Entertainment Expo in Las Vegas revealed that porn still has its fingers way up the needs of American consumers.
AVN, an adult trade publication, was quick to call the yet-to-be-made movie “Ultimately Strokable.”
‘With fingers, toys, and tongues hard at work, these ladies will always succumb to the sins of lesbians,’ it says right here. Always, my friends.
Beating out “Meth Air” and “Fellate—Don’t Tell Me,” the first-ever National Public Radio porn parody will be Gram Ponante’s “On Peeing.”
An April Fool’s joke—OR IS IT?
“I really would have liked to have seen him in Axel Braun’s ‘The Departed XXX’ with Octomom,” says Mueller. “But I guess we have to jail him and stuff.”
“[Campanella] didn’t know what a popshot was,” marveled Miss Kentucky. “Much less a Fake Internal Popshot.”
“…the date is fast approaching when males who have only seen shaved pubic areas in porn videos will want to start families, and won’t have a clue where to begin.”
“I’m not sure about the ethics, but if they ask me to direct my ‘This Ain’t The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald’ script and they pay on time, well…”
Jameson denies rumors that she will be the Yo Gabba Gabba troupe’s sixth member, Teetoe
As first reported on this site, the new 747 area code overlay for Porn Valley will take effect in May, and the issue of who gets to keep their sacred 818 numbers has torn the Porno-American community asunder. According to the California Public Utilities Commission, only Porn Valley contract performers, company owners, and directors who…