Porn Box Prophecies — 2015
The year’s first porn delivery tells the future.
third world media
Marital Aid Test Kitchen: Put A Gröömin on Your Human
Discretion is key in personal rubbing-one-out devices, but is it too much to ask for some bonsai sea monster action, too? Well, the creators of the Gröömin don’t think so; they want you to feel like you could destroy Tokyo with the head of your penis.
A Visit to Mamiru’s Forbidden Vagina
So many things to see in Japan, but a vagina in porn isn’t one of them
Substance Alert: J-Juice
Gram Ponante looks to the East for the future
Today I Met A Celebrity And Lost My Innocence
…because I’m a big fan of sex as a wholesome and charismatic enterprise, but I’ve missed porn that really gives me the heebie jeebies and makes me think I’ll never love again.
Immigrant Song: Janelle James in “Fresh Off the Boat”
…each year I age, the creepier I feel watching transactions like these
“Little Brown Fucking Machines” rejected my manuscript
If you expected a porny expose on the editorial assistants at the venerable east coast publishing house, you’ve come to the wrong place. That would either be “Little, Brown Fucking Machines” or “Slutty Shtonk-Slobbering Slants of Simon & Schuster.”
Casing the Sausage (Party): The 4th Annual Tranny Awards
“When it comes down to it—who’s fucking what and who’s fucking who and whatnot—it’s all porn.”
The 2011 Ropey Volley Awards: Movies of the Year
Each year I recognize the people, movies, and events that made a difference to me in the porn world. These are the 2011 Ropey Volley Awards for Movies of the Year.
“Floppy Cocks”: A brave movie
The gauntlet has been thrown down: like the sleeping menace that was Germany in the early 1930s, floppy cocks are a thing.
“Jiggle them motherfuckers,” and other things you can say to people if you’re paying them
Isn’t the problem most people have with porn centered on the mistakes pornographers make trying to put romance into what is essentially a financial transaction?
Go, Daddy or: This Ain’t Danica Patrick
“Did you like coming all over me?” says Britney Markham. “Everybody likes coming all over everybody, don’t they?”
Of course your name is Pai
The most endearing thing I ever heard you say was, “Of course your name is Pai.”
“Hello Titty 7”: Shame, other things on you
This has led to the further fetishization of shame, as consumers look for performances that appear particularly uncomfortable.
The Ropey Volley Awards: Gram’s Dirty Dozen of 2009
In a very real way, all porn is good. But the following titles were better.
Pilgrim’s Progress: “Fresh Off the Boat 3”
“Fresh Off the Boat 3” only needs a Squanto
Jean Piaget and Japanese fellatio
Jean Piaget, the father of Genetic Epistemology, would surely have something to say about this arresting image from Third World Media’s “J Girls Dress Up Fantasy.”
In Thailand, Twister is taken seriously
This tableau from “Asian Muff Divers” reminds me of ancient photographs in which the subjects strike grave, unsmiling poses, knowing that it takes a long […]
"Ten Little Asians 15": Sullen but frank Thai prostitute will not dignify your question "Are you a transsexual?" with a verbal answer
Everyone will mourn the passing of Farrah Fawcett and Michael Jackson differently, I guess. See a gallery of “Ten Little Asians 15” here Buy “Ten […]
She works hard for the money: "Who’s Your Mamasan 2"
This woman’s name is Sai. She is from Thailand and is one of the stars of “Who’s Your Mamasan 2,” a southeast Asian MILF movie. […]