Tuesdays with Julie

Zaftig and wicked dominatrix Julie Simone sent along this snapshot of domestic tranquility at her place, as captured in her forthcoming “Vicious Vixxxens 6: Asphyxiating Ariel.” Because I am interested in how things work, I asked Simone about her process. “What do you call what you’re doing to that poor girl?” I asked. “Tuesday,” she…

Back to the garden with Lilith Eve

I don’t know what the juicy Lilith Eve is getting at by appropriating the names of Adam’s two wives (both of which, no matter what text you read, turned out shrewish), but the lush 25-year-old from OC Modeling looks like she’ll be a great asset to your pornographic motion picture before she either becomes a…

Pornsaints preying on your impure thoughts

Whenever I see something especially art-smelling featuring nudes, I often wonder how on board the nudes were with the art. This is what captures my imagination about Francesco D’Isa’s “Pornsaints” movement, a very earnest and complex cosmology involving porn performers being raised to the firmament. “We will call Pornsaint whoever attains sanctity through pornography” reads…

Getting Corky with Gianna

Where I come from (GPS coordinates: 30.4813°N 89.7690°W), if you call someone thick, you are calling her retarded. And while having sex with the mentally disabled is arguably the subject matter of 90 percent of JM Video’s titles, it is that other meaning of “thick,” the one involving childbearing hips and breasts that dangle and…

New from Hustler: Theoretical milves

Each night, when the ghost of anti-porn intellectual Andrea Dworkin pickets Gram Ponante Towers, Helipad, Wildlife Sanctuary, Hanging Gardens, Jackboot Resoler, and Merkin Mart, she leaves behind pamphlets that read “Pornography Promotes Unrealistic Depictions of Women.” Luckily I’ve already gone home. And I agree with her. But I have a huge and abiding love for…

BBW alarmists: lighten up

Something about this week made me long for the rich taste of a Wendy’s Baconator, and I have been passed out atop a pile of their wrappers for the last several days. In an AVN story about how BBW (Big, Beautiful Women) titles are catching on with consumers, writer Nelson X wrote a hilarious but,…

Lystra leashed and April Flores’ Impossible Dream

Artist and porn performer Zak Sabbath has created this painting of April Flores taking Lystra for a walk. He has titled it “Judge And Fool.” The painting reminds me of the art for “Man of La Mancha.” Speaking of heavenly causes, Flores’ Voluptuous Cyberskin Pussy arrived at Gram Ponante Towers, Helipad, Fryolater, and Brasserie this…

The Undulabulous life of April Flores

Sometimes when watching a porn movie I think the actress might break. I look at her ribs and, sometimes, the little carved out area where the thigh meets the groin, all as rigid and stark as her premature bolt-ons and I think, “Just let me make you a bowl of pesto.” Not April Flores. The…

Voluptuous Biker Babes at the New Beverly

One of the best places to see a movie in the City of Los Angeles is the New Beverly Cinema, and the perfect movie to watch on the New Beverly’s screen will get the midnight treatment on Friday, March 6. Carlos Batts’ Voluptuous Biker Babes is a tribute to the films of Russ Meyer and…