The Suicide Girls don’t wanna be buried in the Pet Sematary, so I’d like to send them to you.
Cujo did not pose as big a threat to the bucolic, Bert And I state of Maine as those sullen and dim Suicide Girls, so I will send “Suicide Girls Must Die” to the person who gives me the best porn title that Stephen King might have written.
If you win: Please send your snail mail address to me via the Contact page, and make sure to include language that states you are over 18 and that it is legal to receive pornography in your area. I don’t want to get Stagliano’d or Hardcore’d just because you want some lousy porn.
I will make a decision on Monday.
Previously on Porn Valley Observed: Suicide Girls go to Maine, die there; Around the world in 4077 days with Chanel Preston and Eric Swiss
Gram Ponante is America's Beloved Porn Journalist
If I were enough of a fan of the SGs, I might chime in – and I’d win – but from what I’ve heard about this movie, I’d mail it back to you
Just to clarify, this is any porn title Stephen King might’ve written or one concerning the Suicide Girls?
How about ‘Cider House Drools’? It would be a throat-fucking flick set in a New England orchard.
Carrie (Except Pierced, Tattooed, Naked and Not Covered in Blood [Well, Most of Them, At Least])
Sorry – a Stephen King title that is rejiggered for SG consumption. I’d take “Cider House Drools” because John Irving is a friend of Stephen King’s, but my French attorneys won’t allow it. I’m going to keep this open another few days.
Figures the french would object.
How about :”Dark Tower : The Wind Through Her Asshole.”
This flick would feature swordsmen from the Dog Fart clan in an all-anal extravaganza, with several of porn’s freshest newcomers getting reamed doggystyle and the resulting queefs and farts retained in the soundtrack, instead of being edited out.
The producer credits would be extended to a veiled figure known only as ‘Stephen Dink’.
Salem’s Twat.
I’m gonna give it to you, Dan. I may be guilty of some thought crime by saying this, but yes, I believe the SGs would actually benefit from some Dogfart bukkake crossover.
Please send your snail mail address to me via the Contact page, and make sure to include language that states you are over 18 and that it is legal to receive pornography in your area.
I’m humbled to have won. I’d like to thank…….sorry,I’m tearing up a bit….
Thanks! (I think). address sent!
You will receive your package shortly, you poor bastard.