The Elements of Porn Style: Universal Vagina

As you know, I am a frequent contributor to gentlemen’s magazines, read on Army bases and under blankets worldwide. I also send out the occasional press release to adult trade publications. But not everyone agrees on the old vagina.

I had the following conversation with bearded colleague Steve Javors, editor of AVN, regarding some photos he wanted to include on a story about Gazzman and Harmony Films.

Steve: I have a simple request. I’m looking for a few hi-res stills from one of their recent productions. Topless would be nice. That’s the most we can show.

Grams: Is a vagina not a vagina if it’s not spread?

Steve: A vagina is always a vagina!

The pictures in this post, all from a recent shoot of Gazzman’s “Young Harlots Academy,” were rejected for being too vadgy.

AVN, because it is a classy publication, can’t show the vagina. Contrast that with Hustler, which requests lots of spreading so its customers know where to aim. I had this conversation with an editor recently.

Grams: I got several very nice sunlight shots.

Editor: Any facing?

Grams: From above.

Editor: Were her knees up?

Gram: Yes, but demurely…

Editor: Yeah, sorry. It needs to look like she’s about to give birth.

And, for a series of Spanish-language porn magazines that have since disappeared (leaving a trail of bouncing checks behind them), I was asked to submit stories with as much “La Rosa” as possible.

Grams: Como “La Rosa”?

Juan: The pink. The pinkness inside. Inside the vagina.

Grams: OK…

Juan: If she is spreading it with the fingers, especially. Especially good the La Rosa.

I’ve always thought “spread” shots were a little too on the nose, as it were. It’s not that I’m curmudgeonly and want everything left to my imagination, but when a model (or someone I encounter in my real life) spreads herself like that, my mind always says, “Oh no: I prefer to do that myself.”

Previously on Porn Valley Observed: Ass to Mouth—Adrianna Nicole and “The King’s Speech”; I was there—a short history of The Greatest Photograph Ever Taken
See also: Harmony Films, Hustler, AVN

About Gram the Man 4399 Articles
Gram Ponante is America's Beloved Porn Journalist

2 Comments

  1. Welcome to the world of The Porn Spinner. It doesn’t pay any better than being a porn journalist, the hoops are set higher and the hours are much longer. ;).

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