When Holly Randall suggested I pose for one of her photographs, I was at first very nervous.
“I’m not talent,” I said. “I am merely America’s Only Porn Journalist. There is nothing I can contribute to your body of work.”
“Oh yes you can,” she purred, rattling off a list of woes that would culminate in her never being able to work again unless she got this picture. “Just stand next to the unsmiling Lurk Ford to give it some erotic contrast.”
I asked her for motivation.
“Just be yourself,” she said. “You’ve just returned from Las Vegas where you had a glass thrown at you. You’re late. You missed all of the readers at the book signing but one. You just asked Acme Andersson an awkward question. You are going to give the ladies a wide-on with this pose; I guarantee it.”
“Well,” I said. “If you believe in me.”
Her hands trembled around the camera. “Something is happening inside me,” she cried.
“Let it happen,” I commanded. “Take the goddamn picture.”
Way to go, big guy. We’re laughing with you. Really.
Thanks little fella; don’t listen to people who tell you that your opinion isn’t very important.
Dude, is it hard to type with that “popeye” lazy eye? I’m guessing it’s something you’ve learned to compensate for, huh? Oh well, at least one of your legs isn’t shorter than the other.
Don’t worry about this guy Gram. He posts on all the porn blogs until his SSDI runs out, then he’s out looking for UFOs. Ask him about his wife.
– jd
What’s your point Ms. Anonymous? You got an issue with ssdi, or UFO’s? What’s a pornblog, anyway?
Besides, you’re shifting the focus from Gram, which is of course where all the glory belongs.
I’m merely saying that you turning on Gram your God smacks of decreased federal funding and maybe domestic unhappiness.
– “ms.” jd
Gram, this site is amazing. You’re like the illicit product of Terry Southern and Umberto Eco by way of Dorothy Parker. Don’t let the bastards grind you down. What’s your problem bornyo? Is the witty banter of XPT too much for you?
Hey people: let’s reserve all mean-spiritedness for drunk drivers and dog beaters, OK? I’ll discontinue the comment function if you clowns keep wasting my time insulting each other or me.
Thanks for the kind words (Terry Southern and the Fire Witch … hmm, might this be a booth girl from 2003?) but please use this forum, such as it is, for more constructive pursuits.
Thanks
Gram, I just received word that Ms. Anonymous, aka “jd”, is in fact Jewel Denyle.
Anyway mate, just wanted you to know that the insults aimed my way are no skin off my nose at all.
King Crimson, I’m a little pissed with xpt right now. My checks quit coming.