The further pimping of Kacey Jordan

It started with Tiger Woods just last year. Every porn scene featuring women who would eventually become the golfer’s paid guests was hastily re-released.

If you learned of the porn-star/hooker proclivities of the actor Charlie Sheen here, well, congratulations, because you have even less interest in celebrity sex gossip than I do. But apparently, while I was just a few floors away, Charlie Sheen spent paid time with Bree Olson in Las Vegas in January and then topped that with a 36-hour Porn Valley Adjacent tryst with another porn performer/escort double-threat, Kacey Jordan.

I have met and had very nice clothed and unclothed conversations with many of Sheen’s contracters, including Olson, Jordan, Tanner Mayes, and Ginger Lynn (I have not had the pleasure of meeting Capri Anderson, whom Sheen allegedly locked in a closet in New York last year). I can assure you they were worth every penny, though sometimes I feel bad for poor slobs like Sheen who have to pay for these things I get for free.

But Sheen probably had better craft services in rehab than I got on the set of “Dirtpipe Milkshakes.” So it’s a tradeoff.

And you probably wouldn’t be surprised to learn that both escorting and feature dancing can pay a great deal more than porn, but that the escort or feature dancer commands those salaries only because of her porn fame. If you’ve ever wondered why your favorite porn star seems to have disappeared from movies but not from Twitter, chances are she’s a very successful hooker.

Not all porn stars escort, but many do. Non-porn prostitution is one of the many revenue streams that become even more lucrative by virtue of a performer’s adult film resume: her Amazon wishlist, her Streamate account, her dancing career, and her trophy wife prospects all become bountful once she can legitimately, after a single film, call herself a “porn star.”

But if Kacey Jordan allegedly made $30,000 from the “Hot Shots!” star over one recent weekend, think of the porn companies standing to make thousands more by re-releasing compiled scenes starring Sheen’s part-time employees.

  • “Meet Kasey Jordan, the sexy young whore that fucked her way up the Hollywood ladder,” reads the press release from Seduxx Entertainment, which is partnering with Sunny Leone’s SunLust Pictures and Vivid to bring you “Hollywood Whore: The Infamous Kacey Jordan.” Granted, Sheen must be high up on the Hollywood ladder, but we need to be aware of more rungs—like Alan Ruck or Edward Everett Horton or Richard Kind—to justify the notion that Jordan fucked her way up it.
  • “What does Bree Olson,Tanner Mayes,Kacey Jordan and Jenna Presley all want for Valentines Day? A late night phone call from their best client – Charlie of course!!!” [sics] the promotional material for “Charlie’s Hookers” from Cherry Boxxx
  • The great Brandon Iron, exiled to his native Canada, is re-releasing “She Is Half My Age 4” featuring Jordan on the cover.
  • And Will Ryder, who somehow has a relationship with all these pornstar/hookers, will be releasing “Not Charlie Sheem’s House of Whores XXX Parody,” featuring clips from many of his movies, including “Not the Bradys Meets the Partridge Family,” in which Jordan played Cindy Brady. “It’s the XXX look at the girls TMZ, Good Morning America, E! and People magazine were unable to provide,” says Ryder.

So even though none of these ladies will make a single dollar of residual payment from these hastily-released compilations, they can think of them as a gift to the industry that made their higher escort fees possible.

(I like to think Charlie Sheen did his research on this very site; God knows he likes the same kind of people I do.)

Previously on Porn Valley Observed: The Voluptuous Feet of Ed Fox (And Jenna Presley); Tanner Mayes won’t fight nature; Is “The Bradys Meet the Partridge Family” better than “When Harry Met Sally” or “Alien Vs. Predator”?; “The Surrender of O”—on the set wit Bree Olson; Sabrina’s Deep-Thinking Big Top Gang Bang; Holly Sampson—Tiger’s Wonder Years

6 thoughts on “The further pimping of Kacey Jordan

  1. Hmmm… I can’t get the thought of a porn narrated by Edward Everett Horton out of my mind, simply because it would be too awesome.

  2. ANYWAY (sorry Alan), this mostly makes me reconsider the issue of porn and fame: yeah, it’s ridiculous, especially in this era, for a one or two-scene-wonder to call herself a “star,” but regardless of the existence of Charlie Sheen (or his like) or not, I’d put good money down that most het American males starting to watch the Super Bowl last week would recognize Bree Olsen (if compelled) before Lea Michele. A lot of the fame is real, and realer than mainstream culture and/or society has stated.

    (I won’t accuse them of not “admitting it” : the Kardashians are stars and of course Jenna Jameson had her own series; we’re getting very close to “porn stars” becoming real “stars” if not actual “Stars” yet.)

  3. I’ve got a “drinking beer with Alan Ruck” story; it’s not that great, but on the off-chance I ever drink beer with you, remind me to share it with you.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *