The Inconceivable Cream Pie

As you know, a cream pie is the porn world’s way of hedging its bets, which is why cream pie titles go over well with members of the Southern Baptist Convention who are conflicted about their copious porn consumption.

The way a cream pie works is that, instead of a load sprayed wastefully across the face, hair, neck, breasts, or – in the case of my Jewish friend who committed suicide – shot in the temple, it is injected vaginally, almost as if the intent was procreation, but then the seed is allowed to leak out.

In other words, it’s the woman’s fault, the way the Bible intended.

(This is why I support a renaming of the anal cream pie to something less suggestive of accidental pregnancy. East Coast readers will understand why I want to rename the ACP the Frank Carvel.)

Anyway, with such a specific sexual act, no one wants to be too vague in this precarious porn market. But a recent title had me confused.

Close Personal FriendTM Kagney Linn Karter adorns the sixth installment of “Sweet Cream Pies,” and I’m wondering “Sweet to whom?”

  • Does Karter eat the cream pie residue? I suppose it could be sweet if she used cherry-flavored Nair
  • Does her partner eat the cream pie residue? Sorry, but I don’t think that’s sweet at all
  • Or is it “Sweet” in terms of “Awesome! The come fell out!”

Until this is made clear, I’m only coming on Kagney Linn Karter’s face, thank you.

It makes me think of these scenes from “The Princess Bride”:

  • Watch “Sweet Cream Pies 6″ here

Previously on Porn Valley Observed: Sarah Vandella’s creampie of assonance
See also: Third Degree Films

Gram the Man

Gram Ponante is America's Beloved Porn Journalist

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